


no rest for the wicked

by InvitingNonsenseWorld



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And a Hug, Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Klaus Hargreeves Needs Help, M/M, Mild Gore, No Apocalypse, No Incest, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Panic Attacks, Past Drug Addiction, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Sibling Bonding, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, but he still loves him so he's patient, poor Ben is so tired of Klaus' shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2019-11-12 05:49:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18005030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvitingNonsenseWorld/pseuds/InvitingNonsenseWorld
Summary: Ben sighed. “Klaus, you can’t keep going like this. You need to talk to someone.”“What do you mean? I’m doing great, better impossible!”The nightmares were bearable(that was a lie). The flashes? He would get used to them. Klaus was fine(he was so tired).  No need to get the others involved.(He gets by dealing with it, until suddenly it's not enough and it blows up on his face).





	1. nothing to hold on to

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to breach the subject of Klaus' problems after watching the show because, really, they all have so many issues and most of it is not dealt with in the episodes. Klaus needs a hug, man. With that in mind, this story was born. It happens in a version in which the Apocalypse didn't happen, their house wasn't destroyed (so their mom is alive) and Pogo wasn't killed. 
> 
> I also went by the idea that neither alcohol nor cigarettes are enough to keep the ghosts away for Klaus. They can damper the connection between them, but the ghosts will remain visible. So when Klaus says he's sober, that's true, but it's regarding the heavy drugs.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!

It had been getting worse over the week, so really, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Klaus had been cheering on the ‘later’ option, but surprise of all surprises, fortune wasn’t on his side.

Klaus woke up with a jerk and a scream stuck on his throat. He gasped, trying to catch his breath, and pushed himself up to a sitting position, muscles tense and ready to bolt outside the tent. His hand moved to his right in search of the gun he always left by his pillow when he went to sleep, but it came up empty.

Klaus turned desperate eyes down and froze. He stared at the fancy cover of a couch, bewildered. His breath continued catching in his lungs, his head becoming lighter as his mind screamed for him to move away from the nearby threat.

Yet, there was a couch mingling with the ground of the tent.

“Dave?” Klaus asked the air, his voice but a whisper and his lungs protesting.

Klaus’s eyes flickered around, images flashing in his vision as the continuous sound of shots being fired echoed all around. Then everything became muffled, and he was able to take in the details of the large room full of wooden furniture and ornaments, all of which were definitely not part of the inside of a war tent.

The Academy. He had fallen asleep on the couch sometime last night while the others were discussing something by the bar. Now, the room was empty with all the lights turned off, bar the two lamps closest to where Klaus was.

Dave’s face flashed in his vision, pale and cold and motionless.

It took Klaus a few minutes to calm down.

He released a shuddering breath and covered his ears with his hands, fingers tangling with his hair and pulling. His arms were trembling terribly, and he felt like throwing up - not that there would be much to expel, at the very least, since he was almost sure that he ended up skipping dinner last night.

“Shit,” Klaus said. He pulled his legs closer and hugged himself.

“Nightmare?”

Klaus jolted, almost falling off the couch and arms flailing around for a moment. A cold sensation seeped into his arm, and he turned in time to see his arm passing through Ben’s face.

“Ah, damn, I didn’t mean to-”

“Ben?”

There was a pause in which both brothers stared at each other. Ben settled slowly on the armchair closest to the couch, eyebrows furrowed and body leaning toward Klaus.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

Ben’s voice was soft, even in the silence of the room. It was more calming than Klaus would ever admit aloud.

He took a deep breath. Ben’s presence anchored him to the present, and after a few seconds, he felt his muscles relaxing.

“Jesus,” Klaus said, leaning further back against the couch. “Sorry.”

“I’m sorry too. I should’ve known better than to startle you.”

“Well,” Klaus gave a mirthless laugh. “I hate to break it to you, Benny boy, but I doubt I’d react well to any ghost at the time.” Ben leaned back, hurt marrying his face, and Klaus backtracked. “Not that your face isn’t a delight to see - it’s quite handsome, I’ve got to say, all sharp edges and a certain mysterious touch, no wonder you had a big number of fans back in the Academy days - but, you know, stuff happened.”

Klaus pressed his lips into a thin line and squeezed his eyes shut. Why the fuck did he even open his mouth?

He snapped his eyes open as a flash of memories slipped into his mind again. Shit, bad idea. He should make a note for himself: don’t close your eyes anymore, ever. It couldn’t be that hard.

“Was it a nightmare?”

“Hm, sort of.”

Ben sighed. “Klaus, you can’t keep going like this. You need to talk to someone.”

“What do you mean? I’m doing great, better impossible!”

“I’m serious, Klaus.”

“Who said I wasn’t too? I’m a very serious person, excuse you.”

Klaus got up, stumbling for a moment, and something fell beside his feet, cushioned by the carpet. He picked it up, thumb running over the name of the brand of the empty bottle of whiskey.

“Right.”

Klaus made a face at Ben. “Well, I’m offended.”

“Either way,” Ben cut in before Klaus could say anything else. “That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk to someone.”

“I’m talking to you,” Klaus said, shrugging. He walked to the bar, turning on a few lights on his way, and he knew even without the sound of footsteps that Ben was following him. He put the bottle on the counter and scouted the cabinets for something else to drink. “What time is it, by the way?”

It took a moment for Ben to answer. Klaus could picture his displeased face staring at his back. “Past 1 AM.”

“Great! Perfect time for a walk around the city.”

“Klaus, you can’t be serious.”

Klaus’ hands were still trembling, and his chest felt tight. His hand closed around the neck of a bottle of vodka at the back. It clinked against the other flasks as Klaus pulled it out.

“Why, dearest brother, I didn’t expect you to mind getting out of this house. Reliving fond memories?”

He should stop pushing Ben’s buttons, but unwanted thoughts and flashes were sitting at the back of Klaus’ mind waiting to drown him, and there was an annoying itch just underneath his skin, needy and-

Klaus opened the bottle and took a long swig. His throat burned.

“No, you ass,” Ben said. “But you like to ignore me, and I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go out by yourself like this.”

“Don’t come then,” Klaus said, waving his GOOD BYE hand at him. “You know, maybe I’ll go on a fun adventure, a once in a lifetime thing, and you’ll miss it.”

Klaus turned to leave the room, but Ben stopped in front of him.

“Klaus, don’t be ridiculous.”

“No can do. That service is out of commission,” Klaus said. He drank some more and gave Ben a goofy smile. He was running on fumes here, so he needed to get out of the house right now, or this goddamn stifling air would get to him.

Ben stared at him. Klaus entertained him for a few seconds - because he was a good brother like that - before the restlessness became too much.

“Ben?”

“If you’re so set on going for a walk, then fine. You’re not listening to me anyway.”

“Huh. Okay then. That was easy.”

“But at least bring one of the others with you.”

“Ah, no. No, no, no, no.”

“Why not? Last I saw, Diego was awake upstairs. Five must be up too.”

“Oh, please. As if they would want to exchange their soon to be beauty sleep for a walk with me.” That wasn’t what he meant to say. Klaus’ chest was hurting - he needed to get out. “I mean, they need it, right? Or else they’ll have the most terrible scowls in the morning, and I’ll suffer having to stare at them. No way.”

Ha. As if Klaus would invite one of his siblings. Well, if one of them were downstairs, maybe he could consider offering his company, but otherwise, no. It wasn’t like any of them were used to seeking each other out - or knowing how to hang out like typical siblings, for that matter.

To be fair, things had been changing. With Vanya’s powers coming to light and the apocalypse having been avoided, the Hargreeves siblings had decided that staying at the Academy for a while longer was the best option. Their relationship with Vanya - except for Allison - was still rough at best, but she needed their help. They could all use the companionship anyway, and maybe it’d do them some good too.

Anyway, it wasn’t like Five would let them leave in peace if they wanted. He was still too obsessed with the apocalypse, even after it had been avoided - it was an addiction, Klaus told him again, but Five ignored him and continued on whatever quest he determined was necessary to present the apocalypse from possibly happening at a later date.

However, they couldn’t hope to fix the internal turmoil created by decades of mistreatment and isolation in less than a week. Vanya was still hesitant around them, so there hadn’t been much progress yet. Not to mention how they all had their own baggage to take care of, so yeah, it was a slow process full of discussions and almost-fights.

It was to be expected. Klaus had been waiting for each of their problems to come to bite them in the ass sooner or later. It was impossible for them not to resurface with them living together after so many years.

For some, it was sooner rather than later, he supposed.

Sometimes Klaus wondered if destiny or karma or whatever the fuck else had something against him - just like God had, apparently. Whatever it was in the end, he wished them an extra large middle finger.

Ben remained in silence as Klaus walked around him, picked his coat, and went outside. He took another gulp of his drink, starting to feel comfortably fuzzy - he thanked his version of yesterday for the idea. It had been, what, around a week since he had had the pleasure of indulging in marvelous alcoholic beverages - since the day after the apocalypse was supposed to happen, as they all came down from the adrenaline rush with hopes that they had been victorious.

The small drinks in between then and now didn’t count. It wasn’t enough to get him pissed drunk.

In summary, way too long. No better moment to rectify that than the present.

Klaus stopped when he stepped out. It was raining hard.

“Well, would you look at that. The buzzing wasn’t just in my head after all.”

Picking an umbrella would take too long - actually, he didn’t even know where he put his. He considered the ups and downs for a moment, but then the itch under his skin made itself known again.

Klaus got drenched in a matter of seconds after he stepped out. He gave up on trying to protect the bottle of vodka inside his coat and took small sips from it.

“You still want to walk around in this weather?” Ben asked. He was keeping pace with Klaus.

Klaus shrugged. “Why not?”

“Do you want a list?”

“Oh, come on! You don’t even get wet. Besides, it’s artistic, don’t you think? The world is raging, and yet here we are, calmly walking through the streets.”

“So fun.” Ben’s face wasn’t amused.

“Chill out, okay, Ben? It’s just some alcohol and a stroll around the city. You should enjoy the scenery.”

“It’s pouring.”

“It’s still pretty scenery, just wet and shiny. Relax, okay? I’ll go back to the Academy later, and it’ll be like nothing ever happened. But now I just need-” Klaus’ chest tightened as a flash of Dave’s face crossed his mind.

He took another gulp of the vodka, pretending he didn’t hear Ben sigh.

 

* * *

 

Going over everything, maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea to go to the streets while it was raining. Not because of the rain per si, but because there was almost no living soul, but quite a few non-living ones, outside.

Klaus changed his course again when he identified the blob further ahead as another ghost. It had been distracted with something on the ground, and Klaus didn’t wait for it to notice him.

He used an alley as a shortcut to the next street. The alcohol didn’t keep the ghosts at bay like the drugs, but it turned their voices into whispers and made it much easier to get away without being noticed. Maybe he became muffled for them too, who knew? Not him. So he hurried his step and pretended the sight of the blood dripping from that last ghost as it stared at its fallen arm wasn’t hammering inside his head.

He stopped at a bus stop, sighing at the glorious reprieve from the relentless rain. He checked his surroundings - his vision was hazy, but moving forms were hard to miss.

Alone at long last.

Klaus sat on the bench and leaned against the wall, crossing his legs and picking his cigarette pack. He found a miraculous one that wasn’t soggy, and after a few tries, he lit it. Klaus watched the smoke float away as he exhaled.

So much for a distraction. Without people around to interact with and observe and - and anything, really, as long as it helped his mind settle down in peace for even a minute.

The rain felt good, at least. It was cold, grounding, and it made it easier to ignore the persistent itch simmering under Klaus’ skin.

Maybe he shouldn’t have snapped at Ben knowing he was also in a bad mood. Truth be told, Klaus hadn’t expected him to vanish, but well, it might have been for the best. For Ben, at least. He now had the liberty to go more considerable distances away from Klaus if he wanted - a neat little thing that they discovered after days of Klaus being sober.

Klaus wished he could say he was happy for his brother, but he was too selfish for that.

A couple passed by. They walked in a quick pace, huddling against each other underneath a small umbrella. Klaus could bet that they were more wet than dry.

Klaus downed more of the vodka. A sudden breeze made him pull his legs up and hug them, shivering. The wet coat felt weird against his skin, and he wondered if it’d be better to take it off.

Klaus closed his eyes. Fuck, what was he even doing here?

His chest still felt tight.

The sound of the rain pitter-pattering began a crescendo, turning sharper and louder, all-encompassing inside his mind, and his ears could just about pick up the noise of shots-

This wasn’t working.

He needed a stronger drink. Or something else.

Klaus took a shuddering breath, then another. It was like there wasn’t enough air around.

The urge to go find some people awake in this drowning city surrounded Klaus in an iron grip. He didn’t have much money - nor an appetite - so a convenience store was out of the question, but he knew he’d find some of his old acquaintances roaming around. It would be so easy to find them.

And where they were, there would be drugs.

Dave’s face flashed in front of him. A deep ache throbbed from somewhere inside Klaus.

Fuck, he missed Dave so much.

A week and some sober and yet he hadn’t been able to call him forth so far. Was there some restriction due to how long ago it had been? Because it had been in another country? Or maybe Dave got tired of waiting and didn’t wan-

“Klaus.”

Someone whispered his name.

Klaus blinked. He turned around, his movements sluggish. An old lady was looking at him by the edge of the bus stop, her head half caved in and dripping blood. Klaus edged away as she leaned closer to him, mouth moving as she muttered some nonsense.

Then her hand brushed against his arm.

Klaus screamed and bolted away from the bus stop. In the back of his mind, he remembered the half-empty bottle of vodka was still there, but no, fuck that, he needed to get away _now_.

He couldn’t do this. Fuck, he really couldn’t do this. His godawful powers had to choose tonight to act up as they pleased. It couldn’t have been just another fucking night like the hundred ones before that Klaus had done this.

This had been a terrible idea. Why didn’t he listen to Ben?

Klaus slowed down after putting a reasonable distance between him and the ghost. He stopped underneath a store awning, huffing breathless. He leaned his hands against his knees and hoped his legs wouldn’t buckle.

Ben reappeared at the edge of his vision, back from whatever trip and fun he decided to have without Klaus. He began saying something, but Klaus paid him no mind. He could still hear the echo of his whispered name.

“Hey, are you even listening?” Ben pressed.

“What?”

“I asked if you’re alright. What happened?”

“Just peachy.” Klaus stopped to catch his breath. “And my powers happened. No flash news here.”

Ben frowned. He asked him more questions, but Klaus waved a hand dismissively. His throat was tight, and his heart was still racing.

He had dropped his cigarette back at the bus stop, didn’t he? Damn.

Klaus straightened up and ran both hands down his face, waving droplets of water off, but someone grabbed his arm, stopping him.

Klaus followed the hand back to the arm and then to Ben’s surprised face. “Jesus, I preferred you when you just passed through me.”

Ben dropped his arm, his brow furrowing and his lips pressing into a thin line. Klaus’ stomach dropped.

“No, no, no, that was a lie. I’m sorry, Ben.” _Don’t go again._ “It’s just...”

Ben sighed, crossing his arms. Klaus wished he hadn’t shaken the physical contact from his brother when it was so important to him - to the both of them, but he wasn’t about to admit it. “You need to go back to the Academy, Klaus. Talk with someone.”

Klaus wasn’t sure he could ignore the craving that had grabbed him with its claws. A few pills couldn’t hurt when he couldn’t speak with Dave anyway, right? And it wasn’t like his family needed his powers to help Vanya or anything else.

“Maybe later, okay? The night is young.” Klaus grinned, weak. “What’s with you and yammering on and on about that recently?”

Ben’s eyes held Klaus’ gaze until Klaus gave in and looked to the side. It was amazing how quick Ben could make Klaus feel guilty.

“I’ve been saying that for years, Klaus. But your nightmares became much worse after last week.”

“Yeah? I’m dealing with it.”

“Great job so far.”

Klaus resisted the urge to flinch. “Ouch. Why so harsh, brother dear?”

“Klaus, stop,” Ben carried on. “Why don’t you listen to me?”

 _Because he was a coward._ “I’m listening!”

Klaus walked backward from Ben, arms stretched out to emphasize he was listening, then turned to cross to the other side of the street, taking his cigarette pack out. His shoes squished with every step, uncomfortable.

His destination wasn’t a long way from where he was. Ben moved to walk beside him, thankfully.

Klaus slowed his pace when he saw a shape running in the distant. The street was still empty, and it didn’t look like a ghost. Klaus squinted, trying to make the blurred blob focus out of a hollow sense of interest - the person seemed to be in a hurry.

An intense light suddenly flashed on his right. Klaus started, almost dropping his pack of cigarettes. His hands felt warm.

“Shit. Who’s the asshole-”

He turned to the light, an arm raised to protect his eyes and snappy words at the tip of his tongue when he heard his name being shouted in a strange dual tone. There was a loud noise. Something crashed onto him.

Then everything was black.


	2. why can’t i see all the colors that you see

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thank you so much for all the comments, kudos, and bookmarks. You're all so sweet! I wanted to write this quickly as a thank you, but I wasn't able to since my classes started again, which on top of my work, has left me with little free time and energy.
> 
> That's pretty much why this will now have 4 chapters! I wanted to finish everything with this chapter, but I felt bad about leaving you all waiting for too long. The next chapter should have some much-needed comfort between siblings, and some of the other characters will show up. I really want to explore some of their relationships with Klaus in this hehe
> 
> In the meanwhile, hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

For a moment, there was peace - a precious quietness that made him realize, as he relished in the breath of fresh air, that he had been teetering on the edge of a breakdown - and then there was a surge of voices shouting around him, making his ears ring. His head seemed disconnected from his body, distant and light, and a throbbing ache was the only reminder that it was still there. It seemed like he was underwater with someone hammering his head, and maybe this time it wasn’t a far off assumption, because there was liquid dripping on his skin on a constant rhythm.

That’s when he noticed there were hands on him, hesitant but pressing. They threatened to bring him to the surface, but Klaus was comfortable like this. He tried to protest, but all that left his mouth was a groan.

Someone cursed. Klaus recognized his name being said amid the jumble of words, and he struggled for a moment before managing to open his eyes in response.

An intense light was shining on him, and after a few tries, Klaus recognized it as a streetlamp. It was weird. Why would he be on the street while it was dripping water outside - raining, that was it, it was raining.

Klaus attempted to push himself up, but a sharp pain shot up his left arm and he crumbled back down. He gritted his teeth, swallowing down a shout, and looked down, but he only made out blurs. There was yellow and gray and black and brown, but that couldn’t be right because that wasn’t a combination of colors he tended to see in the jungle, be it day or night.

Unease took hold of Klaus, weak and distant but threatening. If Klaus had been hurt during a confrontation, then what had happened to Dave? A voice whispered on the back of his mind that it was too late. There was nothing he could do anymore - _Dave was so pale under the moonlight, unmoving and bleeding from a shot wound - oh God no - it was too late toolatetoolatetoo_ \- but it couldn’t be true.

Klaus tried to get up again, nausea assaulting him, but hands pushed him back down. The blurs seemed familiar.

Then there was a bluish flash before another moving shape was approaching him. Klaus was helped up this time, and he had just enough time to whirl around and vomit to the side.

Fuck, his head was spinning.

Five - that was right, this shape was Five, his brother. The one who went missing years ago, but returned proclaiming the end of the world was almost a week away. But that was a while ago, wasn’t it? Klaus had gone to a stroll and-

Five was talking with him. He didn’t have time to process the words before a light burned brightly around him for a second, making him wince and squeeze his eyes shut. The side of his head throbbed in protest, and Klaus groaned.

Footsteps and voices surrounded him. Something metallic gave a low screech.

“It’s okay, honey,” Mom’s voice emerged in the middle of the chaos. “You can go to sleep now. Everything is alright.”

Klaus didn’t need to be told twice. He succumbed to the heaviness of his eyelids within seconds.

 

* * *

 

It was to a continuous call of his name that Klaus woke up to.

There was an ache enveloping his body, and he couldn’t pinpoint where that injury was located. He tried asking, but he ended up with a coughing fit that invited thousands of nails to prickle him.

It dulled down after a few seconds, blessedly.

Diego - Diego? He could’ve sworn it had been Mom beside him just now - entered his field of vision and helped him sit up slowly, letting Klaus lean against him. Klaus accepted the glass of water offered to him after a few tries due to it spinning and blurring out of reach.

They talked a bit after that. Klaus didn’t process many of the words said as his eyes protested against staying open. Diego seemed to understand, muttering something about ‘getting plenty of rest’ and ‘being good.’

It was weird. Since when did Diego care if Klaus got enough hours of sleep? Did he miss something?

The thoughts escaped his mind as he fell into sleep again.

 

* * *

 

The next time Klaus woke up, it was morning. Or maybe it was afternoon, he wasn’t sure. There was natural, albeit dim, light coming from outside the window, and it was drizzling.

Klaus stared at the top of the tree visible from his position, his eyes adjusting to the clarity. He recognized his surroundings as the makeshift infirmary of the Academy. A vague sense of wrongness spread through him, increasing and morphing into a panic. A breathless gasp left him as he scrambled to get up - _now_ \- he had to get ready - the enemies - _he needed to_ -

Pain sliced through him, locking his limbs in place. Klaus hissed through his teeth, breath stuttering, and why was his belly on fire?

Klaus lowered himself back to bed, daring only to move as little as possible to do so. He took a few shallow breaths and, after a while, the pain subdued.

Well, fuck.

This wasn’t the worst pain he had ever felt - that spot was reserved for that night when he overdosed so bad he collapsed between a dumpster and a few crates, barely seen and almost not rescued in time. The overwhelming feeling of coldness and incongruence that inhabited his body for the following days was the icing on the cake. But damn if his actual condition didn’t feel like shit too. What happened?

“You’re awake,” a voice said from somewhere on his right. Klaus didn’t have to look to know who it was.

“Kinda wish I wasn’t,” he said with a breathless laugh. He regretted it right after, a pang of pain slamming into his abdomen again. He squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds. “Fuck. This has got to be a new record.”

Ben’s face was strange when Klaus looked at him. He was sitting on the edge of Klaus’ bed and was staring at him in silence. His eyes were hard to read, which experience from years with Ben by his side had shown to be a prelude to a storm whenever Klaus fucked up extra bad. Still too unspecific, nonetheless.

“Uh, everything alright, Ben?” Klaus asked after a while in which Ben showed no sign that he was going to talk.

Ben closed his eyes. “Mom gave you some painkillers just now, so the pain should get better soon. Your injuries weren’t too severe, so it was decided against giving you anything stronger and possibly kickstarting your addiction problem again.”

Ben’s voice was dry. Klaus grimaced.

Questions were swimming inside his head. It reminded him of the itch underneath his skin from yesterday - yesterday? - and yet it seemed to be giving him a rest so far. There were no other ghosts around either, but Klaus didn’t fall for that false sense of respite. His body protested against his tenseness, but he ignored it.

“I, uh... I see.” He noticed how Ben didn’t answer his previous question. The sense of wrongness from before was still present. It mixed with confusion and some drowsiness, making a fun concoction that left Klaus without words.

He hated this feeling. If he had been high, the words would just come tumbling out of his mouth, and it’d be so much easier.

Klaus tried to squash that thought in a reflex. That was a new reaction. Being sober was strange.

He was almost sure that wasn’t a good sentiment, but oh well.

He looked down at himself instead of talking. He was shirtless, arms resting above a blanket pulled up to his chest. White bandages were surrounding his left forearm and some rashes on his hands. His right leg was bulkier than his left, seeming a bit elevated, and when Klaus peeked underneath the blanket, he saw a cast surrounding it. The darkening bruises on his abdomen had him wrinkling his nose.

Well, that explained some things.

“What-how long…?”

“For some hours. It happened before dawn. It’s past 4 PM now.”

Klaus resisted the urge to whistle. “What even happened?”

“You don’t remember?”

Klaus closed his eyes, trying to come up with a memory that could explain the situation. It was as if his mind was flooded with water, and he had to walk across a pool to reach any information. He slowly put soggy puzzle pieces together until the whole picture came back to him. “Oh.”

“‘Oh’ doesn’t even begin to cover it.” Ben huffed, looking to the side. He seemed put out - which, okay, it was understandable given the circumstance, but that wasn’t Klaus’ fault. Not entirely, at least.

“Don’t be so grumpy with your poor run-over brother, Benny.”

“ _Almost_ -run-over brother.”

Klaus’ thought process screeched to a halt. “Wait, what?”

Ben sighed and stared at his own hands with a frown. Klaus waited, expectant, and he had to force himself to stay still after he tried moving closer to Ben and froze as his body protested vehemently and the world began to spin. The painkillers couldn’t kick in fast enough.

“I don’t know for sure,” Ben started. “But when that car was just about to hit you-”

The door creaked open, startling Klaus. He sucked in a half breath as pain flared up. Ben made himself comfortable on top of another furniture as Diego came into the room.

“You’re awake.”

Diego looked surprised when he saw Klaus’ eyes open. He had a crease in his brow as he walked to where Ben had been.

Klaus almost ignored him in favor of urging Ben to continue, but a small part of his brain remembered Diego being in the flashes of his memory of the last few hours. He forced a cheeky grin. “Why, yes, brother mine. I had great o many hours of beauty sleep, and even if it’d be lovely getting some more, it’s time to rise and say hello to the sun.”

“It’s raining.”

“And the sun is still behind the clouds, isn’t it?” Klaus said, waving his HELLO hand. “Also, I’m moved by your sweet good morning greeting.”

“Afternoon,” Ben said.

“Good afternoon greeting,” Klaus corrected.

Diego rolled his eyes at the onslaught of words. His expression was relieved, however, and maybe Klaus should’ve expected it given the circumstances, but it still caught him by surprise. “Nice to see you’re already back to your usual self.”

Was that irony? It didn’t seem so. Klaus fidgeted, his position on the bed becoming a bit uncomfortable. “I could never leave my fans for too long. It was just a pause for maintenance, a common procedure, nothing to get gray hairs over.”

It was the wrong thing to say, somehow. Diego’s posture tensed, and there was a funny second in which his face didn’t seem sure what emotion to settle in.

“‘Common’? ‘Nothing’?” Diego repeated, emphatic. Klaus watched as his hands clenched and unclenched, and wondered if it was his head or if Diego was indeed strangely acting vexed about Klaus’ basic level of bullshit.

“Uh. Is there an actual question I didn’t get in there or…?”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Ben was shaking his head, and his displeasure made for a good pair with Diego’s frown. Klaus moved his hands up in surrender, his forearm stinging when the muscle tensed. “That was an actual doubt I had, but okay, geez.”

“Klaus, you have no idea-”

“You could’ve just- and you-”

Klaus’ eyes flickered between Diego and Ben as they protested at the same time, making it impossible to pinpoint what each one was saying.

“Hey, wait a minute, that’s so not fair,” Klaus tried to talk over both of them. It was hard to focus on any of them as another bout dizziness hit him. “It’s not like I did it on purpose.”

“You didn’t go out in the early hours of the morning to get drunk?”

“That wasn’t quite my objective, so no, I didn’t.” Ben snorted, and Klaus hissed at him.

“For fuck’s sake, Klaus. Take this seriously, that was nothing to joke about!”

“Okay, okay! Chill, man,” Klaus said. He put a hand on top of his bruised belly, wishing that could make the ache disappear. Every time he breathed too quickly or spoke too harshly, he was reminded of that injury. At least, it wasn’t fractured - if it had been, talking would be much more of a hassle than it was now. Klaus remembered it well from that time he fell from the fire escape of a building and into the edge of a dumpster. Not a fun few weeks.

Small mercies, he supposed, even if this was enough to make him want to curl up and pretend he didn’t exist for a few days.

Maybe not curl up, but the idea still stood.

“I know, alright?” Klaus said. He sighed, all his energy seeping away. “I know it.”

Diego deflated. He ran a hand down his face. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. It’s just, we were- w-we were-” Diego took a deep breath. Klaus could almost see Diego repeating Mom’s words from when they were kids. It used to be so common back then, but so rare nowadays to the point it only came about when Diego was jittery. Klaus blinked, confused. “We were worried, alright? You had a fever for a while, but it died down a few hours ago. You’re lucky it didn’t develop into the flu on top of all your injuries.”

“Lucky me.”

“Don’t be sarcastic.”

“I wasn’t!”

Diego sighed. He pulled the chair from the table in the corner of the room and put it beside the bed. “How are you feeling? Dizzy? Having problems remembering things?”

“Like shit, a little bit and, uh, I don’t know? I don’t think so.” Klaus shrugged. “But I think the painkillers are kicking in.”

Diego leaned closer to the bed, expression confused. “You remember mom giving you those? I thought you were more asleep than awake.”

“Ah. I probably was. Ben told me...” Klaus trailed off as he realized what he had just said. He resigned himself to be brushed off as Diego opened his mouth.

“Ben- he’s- Ben’s here?”

“What?” Klaus’ eyes widened.

It took Diego a few tries to find the words. “Is Ben here?”

“Right now?” Klaus asked. Diego nodded, and Klaus turned his eyes to Ben, who was sitting on top of the table. “Yeah.”

Diego followed Klaus’ gaze, and the movement had genuine desperation to it that made Klaus’ chest tighten. Ben perked up, a hope that barely dared to shine whenever one of their other siblings got close to acknowledging him resurfacing, but when Diego’s eyes went over him without giving any sign of recognition, his expression fell. Guilt swelled up in a lump in Klaus’ throat.

“I don’t...”

“Yeah.”

Diego nodded, disappointment painted in his eyes before he hid it behind his vigilant mask. It had been a while since the last time anyone believed Klaus’ words about Ben being there, and yet Klaus’ powers still couldn’t be useful enough for his dead brother to get some solace from their siblings in a way that Klaus had never been able to give him.

“Ben says hi,” Klaus said, even if Ben was just as silent as before.

“Oh,” Diego said. He glanced at the table. “Hi, Ben.”

That prompted a small smile from Ben, who waved back.

Diego cleared his throat. “So, what was up with you last night?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what the hell were you thinking? You decided to take a walk while you were drunk in the middle of a storm for no reason? And then you thought it was a good idea to stop in the middle of the street by a crossroad and, I don’t know, look at the scenery?”

“Well, Diego, that’s disappointing. I assumed you knew better than to expect me to think,” Klaus said, cheeky. Then it dawned on him. “Wait, how do you even know that?”

“I was there when it happened.”

“Oh!” Klaus snapped his fingers. “It’s you I saw running that time!”

“Focus, Klaus.”

“I don’t know, man. I just wanted to take a walk. I’m used to walking around the city late at night - or early morning, whatever - so I didn’t mind the time.”

“You were drunk. And it was raining.”

“So?” Klaus shrugged.

“Klaus, I’m serious. No, hey, look at me.” Diego put a hand on Klaus’ shoulder, and his hand was warm against Klaus’ cold skin. Physical contact wasn’t a regular occurrence in the Hargreeves household, and Klaus wondered how long had it been since someone did it to him just to comfort him because damn, there was a lump growing on his throat. “You can tell me what happened.”

Could he? Klaus entertained the thought of finally letting loose the memories he was keeping so guarded inside of him. He opened his mouth, but at the last second, habit won. “Nothing happened.”

Diego stared at him for a few seconds, and Klaus hated that he could notice how clearly he was disappointed in his bullshit answer. It had been such a weak lie - Klaus knew he could do better.

He was about to turn his eyes away when Diego spoke.

“You know, a weird thing happened to me last night.” He waited until he seemed sure he had Klaus’ attention. “I was in the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water when the lights started freaking out, and the temperature of the room dropped. It was too sudden to be a coincidence, so I searched around the house for some explanation. I saw signs you had been at the bar, but I couldn’t find you anywhere, and that’s when I heard the news of a car accident on the neighborhood, so I just-” Diego shook his head.

Klaus bit his lip. He watched Diego struggle with his emotions for a moment before he continued.

“So I drove out to look for you, and I found you at that street. You seemed agitated, so I parked, and then the other car turned into the street. And I don’t know how, but you were one moment away from getting hit, and there was nothing I could do but watch, and the next second you were on the ground by the sidewalk as if someone pushed you away. I have no idea-” Diego interrupted himself, and Klaus saw how his eyes flickered to where Ben was. Klaus’ eyes widened. “If that had been a full-blown front hit...”

He trailed off, but Klaus had stopped listening since a few words ago.

“Ben,” he said, his voice but a whisper.

Ben was still sitting on top of the table at the side of the infirmary. He seemed to be lost in thought as he stared at his hands, but he looked up at the sound of his name.

His gaze locked with Klaus’, and there was silence in the infirmary.


	3. the echo in the mirror

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya! So, to those of you who thought this was gonna be the last chapter, I'm sorry? Oops? It's just, I still don't have much time to write and the chapter was growing longer than I expected, so I felt bad about leaving you all waiting for too long. The next chapter will be the last one, no matter how long it gets, but I'll probably take me longer to finish it.
> 
> Also, I might have posted this with a wrong published date, so I changed the date to a more recent one. I hope that didn't make ya'll receive more updating emails, but if it did, I'm sorry!
> 
> In the meanwhile, I hope you enjoy this!

“Ben,” Klaus repeated. His eyes flickered between Ben’s conflicted expression and his own hands as if it would all make sense if he kept looking long enough. “Ben, you-”

Any other words he might have said got stuck on the tip of his tongue. A bubbly sensation was climbing Klaus’ throat, and he couldn’t quite believe it because _his dead brother had saved him_. Ben, who Klaus had made tangible once and then couldn’t do it again no matter how much they tried, had pushed him away from a car - and had found a way to interact with his environment when he was so far away from Klaus just so he could bring Diego to Klaus. If Klaus’s powers were indeed getting stronger, then he could finally-

_An icy hand brushed against his arm, a soft touch that sent horrid chills down his spine all the same. The bloodied face of a woman stared at him, opening her mouth, and Klaus' heart thumped against his chest._

The ghost back at the bus stop had been able to touch him too. Suddenly, he couldn’t keep his mind from creating images of what this new development would entail in a place like the mausoleum from his childhood - even a cemetery or a hospital would suffice. It had always been a ripple effect when one of the ghosts noticed Klaus could see and hear them, and then it was a matter of time before they all rushed to cluster around him, screaming and pleading and trying to reach him.

A shudder went through Klaus. He swallowed, clenching the bedsheets tightly, and the frozen smile on his face faltered.

Shit.

It shouldn't be this hard to feel happy for his brother and for what this could mean for him. So why was it? Why couldn't Klaus do it?

Klaus hated himself a little bit more because of that.

“Yeah,” Ben said. His voice was soft as if he was aware of the inner conflict Klaus was going through. Maybe he was - it was probably written all over Klaus’ face.

Klaus opened and closed his mouth before saying, “So that’s what you were going to say before?”

“Yeah.”

“You pushed me away from the car,” Klaus said, needing to hear the words aloud. His stomach was in knots, but the bubbly sensation was still swarming in his chest.

Ben nodded slowly. “I did, but I wasn't expecting it to work. I panicked, I guess, and when I tried to get you away from there, my hands didn’t pass through you like usual.”

There were a few seconds of silence as Klaus processed that.

“Fuck,” he said. He thought it was very eloquent of him, considering everything.

“W-what did Ben say?” Diego asked. He was glancing between Klaus and the table, brow furrowed and shoulders hunched.

It was so weird having someone ask Klaus that.

“He confirmed that it was him. He pushed me away.”

Diego closed his eyes and breathed through his nose. When he spoke, his voice was thick. “Yeah, I figured a-as much. I-I, thank you, B-Ben. It’s g-good to know you’ve got Klaus’ back.”

He squeezed Klaus’ arm, a soft press of his fingers that was mindful of Klaus’ injury and conveyed so many unsaid words. Ben gave a smile back, and his voice was firm as he whispered “anytime,” and fuck, Klaus didn’t know how to deal with all this.

Since when did the word affection get inserted in the Hargreeves Family's dictionary? Even after Klaus left the mansion to live by himself - or as much by himself as it had been with Ben following him everywhere - it remained a distant concept. The caring touches and sweet words from the men and women with whom he shared a bed for a night and occasionally for a few days were nice, but they were also brittle and empty, a repercussion of the high, alcohol and lust. Klaus found himself still yearning for something else beyond that, something sincere, whenever he allowed himself to think about it for more than a few seconds. The closest Klaus had been to it had been back in 1968 when he met Dave, who was so strong and beautiful and caring despite the tight hold the war had on them.

It was easy to trace Dave's features inside his mind - the memories from back then were still crystal clear. The way Dave’s arms felt around him as they whispered sweet nothings to each other in a tiny shady motel room, hidden from the outside world and any prying eyes. Or how their pinkies intertwined while they sat in a secluded area in the camp as Klaus smoked, exchanging stories and making plans for the future, and how Dave gave him those tender smiles like Klaus had hung up the sun. It had never failed to leave Klaus breathless. He had been wanted - not only desired but loved in the purest and most profound sense of the word -  and it was so disorientating but also sweetly intoxicating that Klaus wanted to gather those moments inside a box and hug it tight. Dave’s presence had been what carried him through the hordes of death and destruction, and it had made it all easier to endure. Klaus had been enough, down to his crazy personality and weird wavelength, for once.

Then everything crashed and burned, and Klaus was left shattered in little pieces.

Klaus had to blink away the memory. The back of his eyes was burning, and he had a sharp need to curl up and fade into oblivion for a prolonged amount of time.

Nonetheless, Diego was making an effort to overcome his awkwardness with feelings, or whatever it was that he was doing, and Ben looked tentatively hopeful, so Klaus swallowed around the lump in his throat and decided to try. It wasn’t often that his siblings demonstrated they cared about him, and fuck it if it didn't make him feel like his child self, desperate in his search for attention and affection, but he wanted to hold onto this.

He had nothing else anymore, after all.

“Thanks, Ben,” Klaus said, quietly, using his other hand to pat Diego’s hand still resting against his arm. “You too, Diego.”

Ben’s soft grin was warm, and even Diego’s mouth curled up in a smile. Something unfurled inside Klaus, and he let out a wavering breath.

“It wasn't only me, though. Me a-and Ben, I mean. I wasn’t the one who brought you back,” Diego said after the moment passed. He rubbed his nose. “It was Five.”

“Five? What?” Klaus blinked in bewilderment. Actually, he remembered Five being in the flashes of memory he had from last night, but Klaus thought he had made up that part as an explanation to-well, he wasn’t sure of what.

“Yeah. Five called me just when I had reached you, and then he showed up in a blink and suggested teleporting you back to the Academy. It seemed the best option when we had no idea of the extent of your injuries. And you used to say you hate hospitals,” Diego said.

“I do,” Klaus said. He had forgotten about it, but when they all lived together, Klaus used to clamor his distaste of hospitals for anyone and everyone to hear after he had to go there for some reason. It was usually to visit one of his siblings when one of them got hurt and they had been too far away from the Academy to have Mom take care of them. The few times it had been Klaus admitted to the hospital had been the worst occasions, and Klaus wouldn’t stop listing all the faults hospitals had when he returned home. He never mentioned the ghosts.

“I guess I’ll have to thank Five as well.” Klaus groaned. “There goes my whole gratefulness stock of the month.”

Diego swatted at his shoulder, and Klaus gasped in outrage. “Diego! Here I am, recovering from terrible injuries, and my brother takes advantage of my debilitated form to bully me. So cruel!”

“Just, shut up, Klaus,” Diego said. He looked up at the ceiling, and Klaus couldn’t tell if he was amused or exasperated.

Klaus sniggered. His abdomen gave a twinge of pain, cutting him off.

“Don’t push it,” Ben said. “You’re actually still recovering.”

Klaus tried laying his arms on top of his belly once again as if then he could protect it, but it only brought forth another pang of pain. It was duller than it had been when he woke up, so the painkillers were working, but it was nowhere near enough. Klaus had most certainly built up resistance after all these years. He wished for a stronger dosage. “So unfair.”

“I’ll call Mom,” Diego said. “She said she wanted to check up on you as soon as you woke up.”

Klaus didn’t answer as Diego left the room. Instead, he made himself more comfortable and closed his eyes for a moment, vaguely appreciating how silent the manor was for once with only the soft noise of the rain hitting the window in the background.

 

* * *

 

Klaus roused from the doze he had fallen in when he heard a couple of footsteps and voices getting closer. He blinked a few times, and when his vision focused, he was greeted by Grace’s warm smile.

“Hello, darling.”

“Hi, mom.”

Klaus’ mouth tasted terrible. He grimaced, and as if reading his thoughts, Grace helped him up and offered him a glass of water. The scene seemed familiar, somehow.

He fought against the small wave of nausea that hit him, and drank in small sips per her request, only then noticing how thirsty he was.

“It’s good to see you up,” Grace added. Her voice was soft against his ears, but her eyes carried slight concern. “You had everyone so worried. You ought to be more careful when you go out next time, honey.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to. I will,” Klaus promised, even if he knew it was a false guarantee. Yet, in the face of Grace’s concern, so familiar from the snippets of warmth in his cold childhood, he couldn’t help but want to try. At least, for a little bit. “I don’t plan on making almost turning into a pancake-man into a hobby.”

“I hope not,” she said, shaking her head.

That was when Klaus noticed there were more people in the room.

“Oh, hey.”

Allison was barely past the door, her hands holding her arms in a loose hug, and despite her smile, her forehead was pinched. Diego was leaning against the doorframe, and Luther stood in the corridor, leaning forward to see inside and in between Diego and Allison.

Luther waved back awkwardly.

Ben was nowhere to be seen, but Klaus could hear a high pitched voice singing an out of tune lullaby at the back of the room, and it wasn’t Grace, obviously, even if she was off to that side doing something medical or other. No chances of his painkiller dose having been upped somehow while he napped, then. What a bummer.

Or maybe not. Klaus wanted to stay sober - he had to if he was going to see Dave. It would work, sooner or later.

Right?

It had to.

“Hey,” Allison said. Her neck was covered by a long-necked sweater, but Klaus knew the small bandage protecting her injury was still there and would remain for a while longer, and her voice was hoarse, but she was talking, so today had to be a good day. “How’re you feeling?”

Klaus grinned. “Like an almost pancake-man, which is terrible because waffles are so much better.”

Allison shook her head, but she was smiling too, so Klaus counted it as a victory. She approached the bed.

“If you're already joking, it must be a good sign,” Allison said. The pinch between her eyebrows was gone, and the smile she sent him was as much relieved as it was motherly. He could bet that if Grace hadn’t already said it, Allison would chide on him. Maybe she still would.

“Good as new, ma’am.” Klaus saluted her. He knew his appearance must disagree with his words if the reproachful look she gave him meant anything. “Or something close to that.”

“I hope that changes to mostly good as new by the time I come back,” she said, nudging him.

“Come back?” Klaus repeated, frowning. He watched as Allison paused and exchanged a glance with Luther.

One of the many skills that Sir Reginald Hargreeves drilled into their brains when they were kids, was to always be aware of essential details in their environment and on people. Of course, it didn’t stick with Klaus until he was out living in the streets, and then it was more of a thing beaten into him since his mind didn’t cooperate when he was high - which was most of the time. The fact that Ben was there to support him in dire moments was a big help, and he was a better teacher than dear old Daddy could ever hope to be despite all his nagging.

Years later and now sober, Klaus wondered if Ben's instructions might have stuck with him after all as he noticed the pair of airplane tickets barely sticking out of Luther’s coat. Huh, the things you could do when you were sober. Or maybe it was just dumb luck, but Klaus would like to give himself some credit this once.

“You're going to LA?”

It was a guess, but it had Allison and Luther turning back to him.

“Ah. Yes, but only for a few days,” Allison said. “I have to see Claire after everything that happened.”

“And Luther’s accompanying you,” Klaus said. Allison opened her mouth, but Klaus continued before she could say something. “Tell her I said hi.”

He wondered what they could’ve said to make Five lay off them so they could go away for a few days. Five was still a paranoid little bastard, and he had been stubborn in keeping watch over everything and everyone even after they prevented the Apocalypse from happening. It had coalesced with their objective to help Vanya with her powers, so if it prevented their younger-older brother from going mad, if he wasn’t already, and ranting in their ears about all the dangers from the Commission, all the better.

Then again, Klaus could bet he was a big softie underneath his grumpy exterior.

Allison gave him a grateful smile, and Luther nodded, a small smile of his own appearing on his face before it fell down and his expression turned worried.

“Klaus.”

“Present.”

“Yesterday-” Luther began, but he stopped when Diego sent him a sharp look.

“Did you already forget what we just talked about, Luther?” Diego asked.

Luther stared back at Diego, firm. “Of course I didn’t, but I think the situation is different now. With more support from more people, it's possible it’ll be-”

“Don’t even fucking start. We decided together on leaving it for now.”

Ohh, there it was. This was a more common ground for Klaus.

He glanced between Diego and Luther. So there had been a conversation about him behind his back, which, okay, it wasn’t unexpected given everything. He could make a good guess on what they talked, and "yesterday" made it all the clearer.

Klaus weighed the pros and cons of letting their fight begin - because that’s certainly where it was leading to, there was no doubt, even after the almost-Apocalypse made them start reevaluating their temper regarding each other - or giving in to curiosity. One option would be much less amusing for him, and fuck, he didn’t want to do this on the infirmary bed and in pain.

Allison took the decision from him by stepping between them. “Boys,” she said, and even if the sharp tone in her hoarse voice wasn’t enough to stop them, her glare certainly was. “Now is not the time for that. Luther, leave it.”

Diego crossed his arms and diverted his eyes. Luther caved in with a sigh.

The ghost at the back of the room gave a shrill. Another one was poking its head to look into the room over Diego’s shoulder, one eye blinking as the other one hanged by a thin line of muscle against their cheek, and Klaus shuddered. Allison walked back and rubbed his arm, still looking displeased, and Klaus, despite not being cold, felt something loosen inside him a tiny bit.

“Alright. Later then,” Luther said. “I hope you'll recover well, Klaus. Allison wrote down the number you all can call in case you need us for anything.”

Klaus hummed and gave him a thumbs up. “Will do, big guy.”

“As great as it is to see all you kids getting along well,” Grace pitched in. She came back into his field of view with some medical supplies and a piece of equipment from the next room. “I have to ask you to hold your conversation for a minute so I can check up on your brother.”

“Of course, Mom. We’ve got to get going anyway,” Allison said. “I’ll call when we arrive in LA, okay?”

She gave Klaus a hug, and Klaus froze for a few seconds before melting in her hold. It was soft and warm, and so unlike the stiff hug that they had traded when they met at their father’s office in the day of his funeral. Klaus felt like crying for some reason.

“I’ll bring you to meet her one day. Or maybe she can come to visit you all here,” Allison whispered, just for him to hear, and Klaus’ chest tightened. He wondered if it was the scare from the commotion he probably created last night when he was brought back to the Academy that made her say it or if she meant it for real.

Meeting his niece. It sounded nice.

“I’d love that,” he said back, voice thick.

“I’m sorry I’m going to travel when you’re barely out of an accident. I want to stay with you, but we had already bought the tickets and-” Allison added, voice full of regret.

What was up with his siblings today? This wasn’t the first time he had gotten hurt since he left the Academy. They worried about each other, sure, but this was excessive for their usual brand of interactions. Klaus was alive and not even that badly hurt, and she had bought the tickets and didn't mention it until they were almost going, and that was that. That was usual. Life goes on and all that, so what was the deal this time?

“Hey, it’s fine. I’m okay. Go see my niece,” Klaus said. “I’ll raid your wardrobe as payback.”

"...really?"

"Never been more serious. I've wanted to try a few of your dresses forever now."

“Okay,” Allison said with a sigh. She didn’t sound annoyed. She tightened her hold on Klaus before leaning back and looking him in the eyes. “Maybe we could have a makeover session like those we had when we were kids when I come back. What do you say? Now we don’t have to hide to do it.”

Alright, maybe this weirdness that had befallen his siblings wasn’t so bad. He’d have to ask one of them later what was the deal with them - or maybe whatever Luther wanted to ask would come to light, and then Klaus wouldn’t even have to.

“I'm in! But a fair warning: you may be the superstar here, but I’ll be the most gorgeous one after we’re done.”

Alisson giggled. “We’ll see about that.”

Then the moment passed, and he was giving her a small but sincere smile and wishing her and Luther a good trip.

Luther sent him a wave back, still looking like he wanted to say something, and told him to take care. Then he and Allison were gone.

 

* * *

 

The checkup was quick.

Grace changed the bandages on his forearm after taking a look at the stitches - and admonishing him for moving his arm around too much when he mentioned it was aching - and prodded at his head with soft hands. She told him he had a concussion, but they had been waking him up every few hours, and he seemed to be out of risk. Nausea and drowsiness might stick with him for a while longer, and his broken foot - not his leg, apparently - would take a few weeks to recover. His ribs had been bruised, but beyond some pain when he strained his muscles talking too much or breathing sharply, it wouldn’t give him much trouble.

All in all, not the worst prognosis.

After Grace gave him the go to leave the infirmary, Diego helped Klaus move back up to his room. He was under strict orders to stay in bed rest for a few days longer, though, so really, it was only a change from a dull prison to a slightly more comfortable one.

Or not quite so. Staying in the infirmary might’ve been the best option.

Klaus wondered, a little nauseated and with tension locking his muscles and making it harder to breathe if a few more screws had gotten loose in his head after the hit. Maybe it was because he didn’t go to the infirmary much when he lived in the Academy, but it was only on the way to his room that he remembered that the area their rooms were located in was a lot more crowded than the infirmary.

Klaus had to pretend he didn’t see the man in drenched clothes whose skin was so pale some of his veins were visible, nor the little girl with half of her face melted off, chunks of skin barely held together wobbling as she jumped from one side to the other in the hallway. They were talking, a weird mix between whimpering and babbling, and water was cascading out of the man’s mouth every few seconds. They watched as they passed by them, and Klaus tried not to meet their eyes.

There were three more ghosts by the doors of all of their rooms, and Klaus tried not to react, but it was hard not to when they were moaning in a mangled mess on the floor, arms reaching up for something that wasn’t there.

Klaus had to take a deep breath and close his eyes. His heart was on his throat, and he tried to swallow, but he could already hear them whispering in consideration as they took notice of him.

It was going to be an enjoyable few next days.

Shit. What had Klaus gotten himself into?

“No drinking alcohol for a while. Doctor’s orders,” Diego said after making sure Klaus was settled in his bed.

Well, that was just fucking great.

Klaus groaned. His hands were beginning to itch as if commandeered by the thought of alcohol.

“Hey, don’t complain. You should use this as an opportunity to get completely sober.”

“I _am_ sober. Alcohol is nothing. It hasn’t been enough to stop my powers since we were teenagers.”

“Then why do you care if you can’t get drunk for a few days?”

“Can’t a guy enjoy getting wasted sometimes? People do that, it’s normal. Liquid courage and all that, yeah?

“Okay, but-”

“See? Point taken. It’s normal, end of the conversation.”

“You damn well know this isn’t the end of this conversation, Klaus.”

“Yes, it is! If I don’t listen, then there’s no conversation, so you should spare your energy for your vigilante stint or whatever kinky shit you do wearing so much leather.”

Klaus crossed his arms. This was a fucking disaster. He knew sobriety was a necessity otherwise he wouldn’t get to see Dave, but it hadn’t worked so far, and Klaus didn’t want to think about why that could be, and this godforsaken itch was still under his skin and the ghosts-

Shit.

Diego opened and closed his mouth, looking pissed off before it mellowed out into a considering look. Klaus grimaced back at him.

“Whatever. We’ll continue this later.”

Klaus snorted, waving a dismissive hand at him.

Diego sighed and turned around. And then he fucking took Klaus’ cigarette pack and lighter from his desk and left with them, saying he’d be back to check on him later.

Klaus stared in disbelief at his wide open door.

“Hey! Come back here, you asshole! Diego!”

Only silence answered him.

“Alright! Be childish! See if I care!”

Klaus shouted more curses at the empty corridor. The irony wasn’t lost on him, but he hoped Diego could still hear him.

One of the ghosts poked its head around the doorframe and looked at Klaus. Parts of their skull were visible, and rivulets of blood ran down their face.

“Fuck,” Klaus said to himself, covering his face with his hands.

“I don’t think they’re coming in. They seem to be of the lost ghosts kind instead of the angry kind.”

Klaus startled. He looked between his fingers and saw Ben sitting on the edge of his bed.

“Where were you?” Klaus asked, frowning.

“Watching the sunset.”

“Oh.”

Right, this was the supposed good side of his power and its recent development. Ben seemed nostalgic, his eyes lost somewhere distant, and Klaus felt a pang of guilt. Klaus’ continued sobriety was good for Ben too, and here was Klaus, cursing up a storm and thinking about drugs.

“I’m gonna cut the chase. We need to talk, Klaus,” Ben said, suddenly, his eyes focusing back on Klaus.

“Ah, great. Talking. Uh, but you see, I’m a little busy at the moment. I was just about to-”

“I’m serious.”

“Who said I wasn’t? I’m serious too. Look at my deeply serious face.”

“Klaus,” Ben said, scooting closer to him on the bed. The bed didn’t dip as he moved, and Klaus had a wild thought about if that would change if Ben was made solid. Would Ben weight just like he used to, or weight anything at all, at least? “You shouldn't force yourself.”

“Do you need ghost glasses, Benny? Because I’m lying in my bed, I’m definitely not forcing myself at all here,” Klaus said, using both of his hands to emphasize his position.

“That’s bullshit, and we both know it.” Ben sighed. He was as patient as usual, yet he also seemed to radiate restlessness. “I know you, Klaus.”

“Well, duh, you're my brother-” Ben’s unimpressed look made Klaus rewind. “So? I’m still not forcing myself.”

“Yes, you are. I know you better than any of our other siblings. I’ve seen you struggle for so many years, and you never reached a point where you could stay sober for so long when you weren’t in rehab. This time, you're doing it by your own choice, and it's great progress, but yet, you still seem unhappy.”

“Oh, you mean more than usual?” Klaus asked ruefully.

“Alright,” Ben conceded, and he looked so sad. “But this isn’t the same. Something changed. You changed after you disappeared for those few hours after you opened that briefcase, and I’m sure it has something to do with that guy you keep calling when you wake up from a nightmare.” Klaus opened his mouth, but his tongue felt like lead. Ben gave him a soft smile. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me anything now. You should talk to someone soon, though, but it doesn’t have to be me.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you, Ben.” Klaus took a deep breath, ignoring the twinge of pain on his ribs. “It’s just- it’s hard. To remember.”

“I get it, I really do,” Ben said, and fuck, he did in a way, didn’t he? Klaus remembers well the first few weeks after Ben died and he began following Klaus around, and they were a mess of incoherence, jumbled feelings, and avoidances. “It’s not gonna be easy, but it’s important for you. Whatever it is that happened has left you traumatized, and it’s destroying you from the inside. I mean, you almost got in a car accident yesterday. You could’ve died!”

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” Klaus muttered.

Ben pursed his lips. “Yeah, and that’s something we have to talk about later too. But it doesn’t change the fact that this can’t go on like this. Please, listen to me this time.”

Klaus hated when Ben used this tone with him. It was too effective, and when it wasn’t enough, it never failed to leave Klaus feeling like shit later when he had to confront Ben’s disappointed eyes. He bit his lip and diverted his gaze.

He noticed another ghost had joined the first one at the entrance of his room and shuddered.

“I didn’t die this time. You saved me,” Klaus said, his voice weak, and he wasn’t even sure if that was an argument or not.

“You didn’t activate your power willingly, did you?” When Klaus remained in silence, Ben sighed. “I figured as much. It was by pure luck that I got to save you. I almost didn’t move, Klaus, because I know most of the time I’ll just phase through you, and if I hadn’t- if I could always-” Ben stopped himself. Klaus knew what he was going to say, and his stomach dropped. “Talk with someone, please. Don’t let it get worse. You found a purpose during that time away, something strong enough to make you try, so follow it and get some help for once, please. Don't force yourself to seem fine while something is destroying you from the inside.”

Klaus' hands were trembling.

“I can’t, Ben.”

“Why not?” Ben asked, sounding frustrated.

Why, indeed. There were so many reasons swimming inside of Klaus' head, and yet his chest was tight, and he didn’t know what to say. Klaus grabbed his own hair and pulled, squeezing his eyes shut. “I don’t know, okay?! I don’t know!”

Ben was saying something, but it didn’t process inside Klaus’ brain. His hands were warm, and he heard a shuffle somewhere close to him, and then something fell with a clack on the ground, startling Klaus and making him swing a fist out.

His hand connected with something solid.

Klaus' eyes flew open, and he met Ben’s shocked stare before seeing the side of his own hand pressing against Ben's arm. Klaus’ breath got stuck in his throat.

Ben seemed frozen stiff. Klaus’ fist loosened and he made a tentative try at holding Ben’s arm, and they both stared at his hand as it didn’t pass through Ben’s form. He tried the same with Ben’s other arm despite his shaking, and the result was the same.

Solid.

Ben was solid.

Something ached sharply inside Klaus in a snap, and then he was leaning forward and hugging Ben at the same time arms closed around his back in a tight hold. His face fell against Ben’s shoulder, and it felt weird, cold and a bit too soft than what it had been in Klaus’ memories, and Klaus’ ribs and arm were protesting, but he couldn’t care less about it because this was his brother and Klaus could physically hold him.

“I’m so sorry, Ben. Thank you, and I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry,” Klaus repeated as a mantra, his voice almost a sob.

He was so tired. So, so very tired.

“It’s okay, Klaus. It’s okay.”

Ben’s voice wavered, and Klaus could’ve sworn he was crying.

Yet, he knew ghosts couldn’t cry. Not really.

So Klaus let all the pain and hurt from the past few days flow free, tightened his hold on Ben and cried for the both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No incest here, okay? Okay. That being said, I still recognize Luther and Allison are closer to each other than they are with most of the others, so I imagined that Allison would want to try visiting her daughter after she recovered her voice and that she'd need some support. So she asked Luther, thinking it would also do him some good to leave for a bit - especially considering he discovered not long ago that all his time in the Moon had been for nothing. And yeah, they talked about it in this after the apocalypse was avoided, even if That Day didn't happen.
> 
> Thoughts? :D


	4. i can’t get a grip but i can’t let go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's far from easy dealing with emotional trauma, and sometimes it's even harder to voice it out loud. This chapter explores some of that, so have some emotional struggles, some Vanya, Ben and Five. We'll get to the healing folks, but Klaus has to work through some stuff first.
> 
> So, yes. This will have five chapters now. Oops again? Midterms are around the corner, and with my job on top of that, I realized I wasn't going to finish the whole story anytime soon. That's why I decided to do this instead of making you all wait for two months to have the whole thing. I hope this will end with five chapters, but going by my record for the last chapters, that might change. We'll see.
> 
> WARNING: There's a description of a panic attack in the middle of the chapter. I updated the tags. It's not too descriptive, but it's there.
> 
> Thank you so so much for all the comments, kudos and favorites! You're all so kind and supportive, and this wouldn't be written so quickly (for me, at least haha) if it wasn't for yall. Hope you enjoy the chapter!

Klaus' eyes flew open. His body tensed, ready to jump upward at the first order, and his lips moved to form the two syllables of a familiar name, but no sound accompanied it.

There was a burning in his abdomen, matching the hammering in his head and the throbbing ache in his arm. Klaus took shallow breaths and partially turned on his side in hopes of alleviating the pain, but that offered him no reprieve. His vision was swimming, and he had to blink away some tears away before he could recognize the walls around him as those of his bedroom in the Academy, all filled with posters and sentences written in his scraggly calligraphy. His bedside lamp was on, showering everything in a soft yellow glow.

A nightmare. A mild one when compared to some of the ones Klaus had had during the past week. He could still remember some glimpses of dark foliage, gunfire, and Dave - always Dave - but whatever awful concoction his mind had created was already slipping away.

It was probably for the best.

Klaus sighed, squeezing his eyes shut and running a hand down his face. His cheeks ached a little, and his eyes felt swollen. Right, he had cried on Ben's shoulder last night - or was it this night? It was still dark out, but beyond that, he had no clue how long it had been since his conversation with Ben.

He hadn't even planned on falling asleep, but he had probably gotten exhausted and Ben, in his damn mother hen mode, decided not to shake him awake so he could rest more. Well, if that had been the objective, then it failed because Klaus was even more drained than before.

Fuck. Maybe Ben was right. He usually was, but Klaus should consider following his advice this time.

Or he could think about that later. This sounded like a better idea.

Klaus melted back down on the bed with a groan, waiting for the throbbing from his wounds to disappear. He was drenched in cold sweat, and there was a pang in his chest at the reminder of his time in Vietnam with Dave.

Klaus closed his hand around Dave's dog tags, relieved at finding it lying on his chest. It had been taken off sometime after his almost accident, and Klaus vaguely remembered crying all over again as Ben put it back around his neck while he was still tangible. Klaus wished the tags could act as an antenna and help bring Dave to him. It couldn't - he had already tried twice.

Klaus was so tired of this. So tired of being constantly reminded of everything he went through and lost. This was getting old - and yet, he still woke up with his heart in his throat. Klaus couldn't wait for his mind to decide it had enough of this shitty game and to let him have some fucking peace.

Fuck it. Fuck everything.

A ghost was wailing somewhere out in the hallway, making for an irritating soundtrack to his train of thought. "Goddammit. Who thought leaving my damn door open was a good idea?" he asked aloud, just to have another sound to hear.

No one answered him. Klaus glanced around, but Ben was nowhere in sight. He must have left when Klaus fell asleep - there were surely more entertaining things to do here than watch Klaus sleep.

Klaus pushed himself up. His stomach rolled unpleasantly, and his arms were trembling so much he almost fell back down.

The ghost's wailing became louder as if they were aware they had an audience.

Klaus gritted his teeth. He needed to leave _now_. Throw some cold water on his face or something. Anything would do, really.

Only when he was sitting, feet touching the ground and waiting until the room stopped spinning, that he remembered the cast on his foot. Klaus looked at the ceiling in search for mercy, wobbling in lack of equilibrium even if he wasn't standing, but he found none. Hopping around everywhere it would be then. He was going to have a few choice words with Diego later on - he was such an inconsiderate crutch.

Klaus put his weight on his left foot and stood up, using the bed as support. He tested his balance, but the cast was heavy, and he was light-headed (when was the last time he ate? Without throwing up after, that is).

This was proving to be worse than walking on a tightrope. Or maybe that was a bad comparison, considering Klaus never walked on one, but it had to be worse than juggling - he had tried that once, and it was a colossal failure. At least the guy who wanted to teach it to him had been a good company for those two cold days.

There was a thump to his right, making Klaus freeze.

He turned, still bent and holding onto the edge of the bed, and saw Vanya looking at him from the hallway in surprise. She opened and closed her mouth, posture hunched with uncertainty, and a book by her feet.

Oh good, that wasn't the ghost then.

"Klaus," she managed to say. Her voice was breathy, and it had that same tone that Diego's had when he saw Klaus awake yesterday - or was it still today? Klaus was in dire need of a clock.

Klaus straightened his posture as much as he could without eliciting more pain from his ribs and gave her his best smile. This could go one of two ways: either she would leave after inquiring about his well being and giving him her wishes for him to get better soon, too shy to stay any longer, or she would insist on remaining in the room for a while out of a guilty need to help him. It was sad to think about it, but when it came to Vanya, Klaus had no idea which option had the highest probability of being chosen.

"Hey, sis," Klaus said. He put a hand on his hip, trying to look casual even if he knew his hair had to be a mess, and he could feel a drop of sweat rolling down his temple. "How are you doing on this fine night?"

"Me? I-I'm fine, but Klaus, you look like you're going to fall over at any second."

"Nah, I'm good. Great even. Couldn't be better."

Vanya's brow furrowed. She stepped into the room and put the book on the nightstand, looking unsure and determined at the same time in a way that only Vanya could hope to pull. She offered her arm to him.

"Where do you want to go?"

Well then.

Vanya helped him walk to the bathroom. It was an awkward walk, what with Klaus being a good many centimeters taller than her, but he filled the silence with mindless chatter and Vanya seemed amused so it could've been worse. Klaus missed the days when things like "awkwardness" weren't something in his mind. Not like he cared much about it either way, but he was conscious of it now, and it was so bothersome.

The splash of cold water on his skin was soothing, chasing away the remnants of sleep clinging to his eyes. Maybe he should take a bath later when he was up to figuring out how to not get his cast and bandages wet while getting in and out of the bathtub.

The ghost was still wailing by his door when they went back.

"Thanks for the ride, Van," Klaus said, sitting on his bed. His grin was only partly forced.

The side of Vanya's mouth curled up in a small smile. "Anytime. Do you need anything else?"

"If you happen to have a spare foot to lend me, I wouldn't say no."

Vanya snorted, and that was a different attitude compared to the old Vanya, who would shrink on herself and try to camouflage herself as a wall. The current Vanya, however - or the true Vanya, he supposed - was slowly leaving her cocoon without the pills that seemingly dampened her emotions, and it was invigorating to discover her new reactions. She was as bright as she was still wary of her surroundings - a picture perfect impersonation of a bumpy road - and Klaus had to wink in response as Vanya shook her head, still amused, for the hell of it.

"Can't say I have an extra foot, but I can see about getting you a crutch."

"That won't be nearly as sexy, but it'll have to do." Klaus sighed dramatically. "Danke."

Vanya nodded and sat beside him, amused. She cleared her throat."  It's no problem. So, not that I'm complaining, but why didn't you call anyone to help earlier?"

Klaus shrugged. "I had no idea if anyone was around. Pogo and Mom usually stay downstairs."

"We're all here most of the time nowadays. Five is..."

She trailed off, and Klaus found himself agreeing. "Yeah, fair enough."

"RIght. So, besides Allison and Luther-" Vanya stopped, giving him a considerate look.

Klaus waved a hand. "They told me yesterday. Uh, earlier today, I guess? Are they in LA yet?"

"It's almost ten o'clock. They haven't called, but they should be getting there soon."

"Oh, good."

"Anyway, besides them, we're all here. You know that, right? So..."

Vanya's eyes hinted at where she was going with this. Holding a smile became hard all of a sudden, but Klaus forced himself to keep it up. "So, uh, I didn't know the time, and what if you were all sleeping? And this place is huge, I didn't want to shout myself hoarse until someone heard me."

Vanya hesitated for a couple of seconds. "Those are just excuses, aren't they?"

"I'll have you know they are all valid points, okay?" Klaus said, and he gave a nervous laugh when she continued looking at him expectantly. Damn, Ben and Vanya would make a terrifying evil duo with their ability to drive guilt into others. "It's true. But it was, ah, it was getting a bit loud here too, so I just wanted to get away. Quickly."

Klaus tensed as he saw from the corner of his eye another ghost join the first one. It was going on an angry tirade about revenge or something, dripping blood from more stab wounds than he could count. Both ghosts inched closer inside the room, noticing Klaus' look.

Vanya's eyes widened, startling Klaus - she had never been one to brush him off, but it wouldn't be hard to pass his words as an exaggeration. That would be the typical reaction, the predictable one.

"Oh. I see. Is it still...?"

Klaus' eyes flickered between the ghost that stopped by the end of the bed, sobbing loudly, and the other one that stood in the middle of the room spewing angry words and shaking their hand in Klaus' direction. He could see the mangled mess of the ghosts from that afternoon appearing on the edge of his vision.

Klaus gave her a sardonic smile.

"Oh."

Vanya's expression was pinched. She looked down, and Klaus couldn't even give the first step into guessing her thoughts at the moment.

Vanya had never been vocal about whether or not she believed in what Klaus said about the ghosts, even after they were both living away from the Academy. Her book, however, had been explicit in the descriptions of what had to be Klaus' way of getting attention. Her words had been sharp, describing his personality as needy and eccentric, and blaming his constant non-sober state for - well, for why his entire life was the way it was. She had even retold the day Ben died and Klaus, back at home with her and recovering from a broken arm, suddenly melted down in desperate sobs and shouts. She claimed it as one of the last days he had used his powers.

It had sucked to read those pages in rehab and have to remember that day along with a flock of memories he had tried to lock at the back of his mind. Such personal situations and they had all been bared for the world to judge.

Still, Klaus hadn't been angry. Hurt, yes, because he had expected more directed aggression instead of one so generalized as if they had all done terrible things to her in the same level as Reginald, but it had dulled over the years as the hype from the book died down, and with it, the unwelcome recognition at the streets of who Klaus was. What was left afterward was a controversial pride in her courage and an acidic amusement because, in the end, it had all been the truth.

Ben had disagreed on that front, but Klaus didn't get why, considering he had been one of the ones, along with Five, most spared in her descriptions.

"Well," Klaus clapped his hands. "Don't let me hold your wings back. Fly free, little bird, and go back to doing whatever it is you were doing. It had to be important if you were carrying that brick of a book, right?"

Vanya startled, and a hurt expression crossed her face. Klaus realized a second too late that it sounded way too much like a dismissal, and Vanya would interpret it as her presence being a bother instead of the diversion from their earlier subject as Klaus had been aiming for. Vanya opened her mouth, her eyes flitting down.

"I'm-"

"Shit, no, that came out mean. I didn't mean it like that! I mean, I did, but it was more of a "let's talk about some boring random stuff you were doing and forget about earlier?" kind of thing. Ah, but I don't mean to say that what you were doing has to be boring. Uh..." Where was Ben in times like this to help him find the right words? Fucking sobriety was making everything harder.

Vanya hesitated, and Klaus recognized her expression as unease - the same look she had been shooting them every so often - but she still tried to smile at him as he floundered. "It's okay, Klaus. I understand. We can talk about something else, but I was just- I'm worried."

"About what?"

"About you."

"Me?" Klaus pointed at himself.

"Who else could it be?"

"Oh. But I'm alright! Sorry for the scare yesterday, but I'm all fine and dandy now. Ready to shine like a diamond and bless you all with my irresistible charm."

"Are you really, Klaus?"

Klaus paused. Vanya's eyes were serious, and a strange feeling, as if Klaus was on the edge of a cliff, took hold of him.

"Are you really fine?" Vanya reiterated.

There was a beat of silence, and then a chuckle left Klaus' lips, unbidden and a tad too loud and sharp, not unlike a sob, because-

-because when was the last time he was asked that and he was truly fine? Vietnam was his best bet, but even there he and Dave often spoke about pursuing a life together far away from all the gunshots and the death that was everywhere,  _distorted faces screaming at Klaus_ , befuddling him and mingling with the alive because some _times they looked almost the same_ . Klaus had been happy in Dave's arms, the most he had ever been, but they couldn't showcase their relationship in the open, and a warzone was never nice, and it wasn't fine with its gunfire, bombs whistling above them, mines exploding all around _and the smell of corpses mixing with wet soil and blood_.

Klaus' name was called behind a torrent of gunfire, distant. He was cold, and as his skin was prickled by thousands of pins, his limbs seemed detached. It was alright, though, his arms were just asleep from the cramped position he was in. He just had to endure it for a bit longer, and then an opening would come and he would shoot back and retreat with the rest of his unit.

Just a bit longer. Just-

Something touched his shoulder, and Klaus jerked away, almost falling from the bed. A hiss escaped him as the movement brought forth a wave of pain.

Hands steadied him, and the leaves and dirt in his vision were replaced by Vanya's concerned eyes. Ben's frowning face looked at him over her shoulder, and oh, Ben was back, look at that.

Klaus gripped Dave's dog tags like a lifeline. His lungs were collapsing on him, and his chest was tight, too tight, and fuck this was familiar, where was Dave, but Vanya was saying something, and it seemed urgent.

"Breathe with me, Klaus. Deep breaths, like this," Vanya said before breathing deeply as a demonstration for some reason.

"Breathe, Klaus. Breathe," Ben repeated. His calm voice was a contrast to his strained expression.

Klaus was breathing. He was sure he was breathing, but his chest was on fire, and his head was getting light-headed.

"In and out, Klaus. Like this."

Klaus copied Vanya's action, again and again with her soft words and Ben's gentle encouragement guiding him. His breath caught on his throat and didn't dislodge for a few seconds, but after a while of just breathing, his lungs stopped hurting, and a jarring relief settled in him. He concentrated on keeping the rhythm, and Vanya's hand settled on his knee, comforting.

He thought he had emptied all his reserves of tears earlier, but he might've been mistaken.

Klaus blinked his tears away and ran a hand down his face. His other hand kept an iron fist around Dave's tags. He could feel it shaking even against his chest.

"Shit," Klaus murmured. He glanced at Vanya and gave a rueful laugh. "Uh, that was a bad coincidence?"

Ben sighed and pinched his nose. He went to stand by the door, and that was when Klaus noticed the ghosts from earlier weren't inside his room anymore.

Vanya wasn't smiling. There was no pity in her expression, only something sad. "Try again?" She said, and when Klaus remained in silence, she added. "Klaus, I know a panic attack when I see one. I'm… familiar with them. It's one of the reasons I thought I had to take those pills."

"Right. Of course. I think you mentioned it in your first," Klaus made a vague motion with his free hand, "training session."

"Yes," she said, eyes flickering down. "I'm sorry. I think I triggered you somehow. I shouldn't have pushed you. I'm so sorry."

Klaus waved his hand. "It's okay, sis. That was nothing," he said, but when the side of Vanya's mouth curled down, he backtracked. "I mean, water under the bridge and all that. We're all fucked up, aren't we? Heh, what a great job dear old Reggie did with his perfect soldier children." Klaus grinned in irony. Bone-deep exhaustion was settling in him. He wanted to shove all his emotions inside a box and lock them forever if possible.

"Can't say I disagree. I'm still sorry, though," Vanya said. She seemed hesitant about something, and it reminded Klaus that despite everything, she was still a work in progress. It had only been a week - Vanya was still jittery around Luther, and she sent them unsure glances every now and then when they tried to reach out to her. Fixing what their father had broken was a gradual process, as Allison wrote in her notepad and kept showing to them whenever one of them looked discouraged. They couldn't expect instant changes, so they needed to keep trying. Vanya deserved it.

Which was why Klaus' skin crawled at the overload of concerned attention he was receiving all of a sudden. He was the junkie, attention-seeking brother, the one who got in everyone's nerves and took nothing seriously. He was hard to endure on a daily basis even without the junkie part of it, and he could see how it was wearying to believe in his words after he spent so long weaving lies upon lies. The whole deal was just who he was, nevertheless, so he was used to amassing adverse reactions.

It was expected that nobody batted an eye at him getting wasted - and if they did, they probably just gave up, accepting it as Klaus' usual thing. He wasn't sure anyone besides Diego knew he was truly clean despite him saying it - but it was okay. That was how they rolled, no matter how much the whiny voice at the back of his mind ached for solace, for anyone to just notice.

So, okay, ultimately, the frenzy made sense because he got into an almost-accident and they worried about each other at the end of the day. But they knew he was on the road to recovery now, so where were the scoffs at Klaus' disregard for his body and the weariness at dealing with his problems? This affection or whatever was off-putting. He was the same the entirety of the last week, and no one had bothered to wonder about his well being then.

Klaus was just Klaus, after all.

He took pity in Vanya - lovable, gentle Vanya, who cried for ants and was giving him this sorrowful look - and patted her arm.

"Vanya, it's okay. It doesn't matter. It's over."

"It does matter," Vanya's voice was intense, and Ben echoed her, looking every bit satisfied with their agreement. "Of course it does."

"'Of course' is a strong word."

Vanya shook her head. "It isn't. I-we just-Dad is the one who-" Some of the objects around them rattled in a sudden surge of noise, startling Klaus. Vanya took a few deep breaths, and before long it died down, leaving Klaus looking around with wide eyes. "Sorry."

"Hey, none of that. Everything is in one piece." Klaus gestured at the rest of his room.

Vanya pressed her lips in a thin line but nodded anyway. "Look, I noticed something has been bothering you for a while now. Maybe it'll be easier with Diego, or uh, well, Diego mentioned something about Ben?" She looked hopeful and troubled at the same time. Klaus confirmed it, feeling Ben's sharp gaze on them. "Right. Maybe it'll be easier to talk with them about it, but please, tell someone."

"Wow, you sounded just like Ben just now."

"You should listen to him."

"See?" Ben piped in, crossing his arms.

"Uh-huh."

Klaus' reasons for keeping quiet were dissipating in a poof of smoke. He rubbed his eyes, bleary after everything.

Why not tell Vanya? And Ben too, consequently, because he should also get to know it after years of supporting Klaus however he could. It might be good. Maybe Vanya would listen and believe him because it seemed like she cared about him (maybe? Somehow? Even after years of radio-silence and the tiny amount of visits to her apartment when he was high in the clouds and desperate for human interaction from someone who wouldn't question him much or want something back).

She did care, didn't she?

"I..."

So why was it still so hard to let it all out?

Vanya sighed. She fiddled with her thumbs. "I meant to say this before, but I wanted to thank you."

"Thank me?" Klaus blinked. He looked at Ben, who shrugged, equally lost.

"For standing up for me that night at the basement," she said with a shudder. Her eyes were distant. "I couldn't hear what you said, but I remember you arguing with Luther."

"Well, it made no sense to lock you up. That was stupid. I mean, you cried when we stepped on ants as kids, you wouldn't hurt someone on purpose."

"I…" Vanya's lips curled up. "I didn't even remember that. But thank you, either way. It was important for me to see some of you stand up for me."

Klaus twisted so he could bump his shoulder with hers. It was good to see her shy and grateful smile despite the twinge of pain the movement brought to his abdomen.

The thought from just before strode back to the forefront of his mind, and he swallowed. He looked at Ben, who gave him a nod as an incentive, and glanced at the ghost that was phasing through his wall, screeching as if they were dying all over again. He saw Ben try to intimidate it into leaving, but it was far too gone.

Klaus' mouth opened and closed half a second later. The words were on the tip of his tongue, scorching.

Before his brain could reconnect his thoughts with his mouth muscles, Vanya continued speaking.

"And now you've been helping me along with the others, so I wanted to apologize for not doing a good job in retributing it. I wasn't here when you woke up-"

"Oh, Vanya, it's okay. You had no way of knowing when that would be. And you give violin classes in the afternoon, right?"

"Yeah, but still."

There it was. Vanya was acting just like Allison with that silly guilt. He supposed they all had a bad history with blaming and being blamed for the most insignificant things and being punished for so. It was still hard judging what was worth feeling guilty over and what wasn't, but in this situation, it should be easy to determine it.

"If you say so."

"Klaus, let her finish," Ben chided, and Klaus grimaced at him.

"I mean it," Vanya said. "It's not just this afternoon. I - we all, actually - want to be there for you, just like you've been here for me these days. We still suck at that so far, but we're trying to start over and be better siblings now, you know? And that includes you, Klaus. Diego confirmed that you've been clean for a while now, but you never mentioned it or anything about your powers, and then," Vanya looked down at Dave's dog tags, and Klaus fiddled with them as a reflex, "then yesterday happened."

So that was it. Klaus' siblings thought he had gone after drugs again and didn't know how to approach the subject considering they weren't even aware he had stopped using since days ago.

(Klaus ignored the twinge of hurt from that because of course, that's what they had concluded when he had barely given them any reason to think otherwise).

(He also pretended he didn't precisely almost do what they expected him to have done).

It didn't escape his attention the confirmation that in the midst of all this, his siblings had taken clear notice of Klaus' new, weird accessory. He had a knee-jerk reaction of fiercely thinking he couldn't let them take it from him no matter what. Then he realized the sheer stupidity of it and cursed his father to hell and back - because that must have surely been where he had gone, even if God was a bit of an asshole just like him.

The whiplash left him even more frazzled. Klaus ran both hands down his face.

"Right," was what managed to leave Klaus' mouth.

"As I said, you don't have to talk about it now. And it's… hard accepting that people care about you after everything. Our circumstances are different, but I can understand some of it," Vanya said, and her smile was so sad Klaus wanted to cry. Again. What was up with that? He didn't like this.

No, that was a lie. Klaus didn't mind the awfulness of a blotched face and swollen eyes so much when it pacified the ache inside him.

Klaus had no idea what to say.

How was he supposed to deal with all this?

He wound up ignoring it altogether when his stomach grumbled, prompting an over-exaggerated reaction from him. Vanya's brow furrowed for a moment, but she thankfully accepted his attempt at a diversion. She suggested making a sandwich for him and bringing it with a glass of juice, and Klaus grabbed the opportunity.

He avoided Ben's eyes when he sat in Vanya's place after she left.

"You don't have to scold me, Ben. I know." Shame weighed down on him, nauseating. Why was this so hard?

"I wasn't going to," Ben answered, and Klaus saw from the corner of his eyes as his arm rose in Klaus' direction before hesitating and falling back down. Grief surged up, sharp as a knife, threatening to bring whatever was left inside his stomach to the outside. "You're trying, and that's a good first step. It's going to be alright, Klaus."

...was it?

 

* * *

 

It was sometime after he ate that Klaus noticed the book still lying on his nightstand. Vanya had come and gone, flustered and apologetic as she tattered about having forgotten to call a few students about a change in their weekly class, and the book was left there.

Klaus peeked at the worn-out cover. It was dark blue in its left half and yellow on the right half, and it had a cube made of little dots and some weird scrawlings with a "Quantum Physics" written in large white letters above, making Klaus grimace at it.

"Ugh, gross. Why was Vanya carrying this thing?"

Ben turned from where he was almost standing guard by the bed and attempting to chase away the ghosts around. Klaus had been ignoring them so far, but it was proving to be fruitless as their attention was glued to him. "That's probably for Five, no?"

"Makes much more sense." Klaus picked the book and opened on a random page. "Why is there a tiny trident here?"

"Trident?" Ben asked. He laughed when Klaus showed him the Ψ symbol. "That's a greek letter, Klaus."

"How do you know that?"

"I have no idea. Maybe we saw it in one of our math or physics classes, but that's way more advanced than anything we ever studied."

"Physics with a trident. The deepest pits of hell, that's what it is," Klaus said, closing it with a thump. He side eyed the ghosts mumbling and screeching at him. "This thing is like a brick, and it's all filled with weird letters that somehow solve weird mathematical stuff. Does Five really understand this bullshit?"

"Probably. He's working on equations like this all the time," Ben said with a shrug.

The wailing ghost with stab wounds picked it up again, and Klaus squeezed his eyes shut and covered his ears when it reached absurd notes. The other spirits around bolstered the idea by joining in, and a few decided on trying to grab him as they chanted his name and asked for help.

A flash of the ghost in the bus stop came to his mind, and Klaus' breath got stuck in his throat.

He swung his legs out of bed and darted up, stumbling in his hurry. He hopped to the hallway, leaning against the wall and holding the brick book against his chest.

"Klaus?" Ben asked. There were fewer ghosts in the hallway, but they were being loud as well, so Klaus could barely hear him.

"I'm taking this to Vanya's room," he said. It was the furthest down the hall, and if it was still bad there, then-then he wasn't sure where to go. The attic maybe, or the living room. He had half a thought to say screw it to everything and go to the bar.

No sooner than he got there and slammed the door closed, sighing at the momentary reprieve, there was a blue flash, and Five appeared.

"Vanya, where is-"

"Jesus!"

Klaus stumbled back and lost his footing. Hands held him just before he fell.

He was helped to Vanya's bed with caution, and he blinked at Five's pinched expression.

"Oh, hey."

"What are _you_ doing here?"

"I could ask you the same, mister I-can-teleport-everywhere."

Whatever Five was going to say in answer was forgotten as his eyes fell on the book in Klaus' lap. He snatched it up and began leafing through it, the noise of the turning pages sharp. He stopped abruptly at a page, his eyes running through it like a starved man who had just found food and then started writing on it with a pen he procured from his school blazer. There was a slight frantic glint in his eyes, and Klaus had no idea how it was possible for him to write anything legible in that speed.

"Hey! A thanks would be nice, you know."

Five ignored him.

Klaus grumbled.

"Klaus, look at him," Ben said, sharply. "There's something wrong."

Klaus frowned. Now that Ben mentioned it, he could see how Five's hair was disheveled, and his clothes were rumpled in the place of his usual pristine care. There were bags underneath his eyes, and Klaus had thought it had been just getting better the further away from the almost-Apocalypse they got.

"Uh, Five?" Klaus said, trying to poke his brother on the arm. Five stopped long enough to bat his hand away. "Hey, Five! Hello? Your dear poor injured brother requires some attention if you please."

That prompted a reaction.

Five gave a minute flinch before he gave Klaus a hard glare and shushed him, looking back down at the book. "Are your eyes malfunctioning as well? Can't you see I'm busy?"

"Are you still going on about that Apocalypse stuff, lil buddy?"

Five's head snapped in his direction. "If you call me little one more time, I'll stab your face."

Klaus whistled, leaning back. "Ah, no, thanks. Keep your kink of sharp things away from me. Have you been hanging out with Diego more recently?"

Five's face scrunched up, and Klaus got ready for another lashing out, but then Five gave a deep sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose, deflating. He murmured something under his breath that Klaus didn't get, but Ben, who was standing by Five, frowned in that worried way of his that was very familiar for Klaus.

"Everything alright, little bro- old brother! I said old brother, okay?! Old, very old, old man."

Five's glare mellowed out. "What kind of brainless question is that? Of course I'm alright."

"Uh-huh. Just like I'm alright, then?" Klaus gave a broad, cheerful grin. It was meant as a jab at Five, but it backfired when Five's gaze sharpened.

"So you admit that you're not fine."

"Are you admitting it as well?"

They came to a standstill. Ben sighed at the side, but he offered no words as Five raised an eyebrow in question, somehow seeming superior in all his shortie glory.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you happen to find any inconsistencies, grammar mistakes or wonky sentences flow, do tell me. My first language isn't English and I have no beta, so I probably missed quite a few things even if I try to reread every chapter a few times.
> 
> The book mentioned in this chapter is "Quantum Physics" by Stephen Gasiorowicz. I'm studying quantum chemistry, so I thought why not add a bit of realism to it haha
> 
> Thoughts? :)


	5. please can i be colorful...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya! Sorry for the long wait, but I'm back! This chapter was hard to write, but I hope it's decent enough. I love Five, but man, he can be a pain to write sometimes. Anyway, we'll wrap this story with the next chapter. It'll be a bit more exposure to explain some more things, and then a bit of an epilogue of sorts. The good news is that it's mostly written! I decided against adding it to this chapter because it felt more like a chapter on its own.
> 
> Also, thank you so much for all the comments, kudos and views! It brightened my days to see people seem to like this story haha I finally got around to answering the comments, so sorry for taking forever to do it as well.
> 
> Anyway, hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Any grammar, orthography or flow mistakes, or anything that seems wonky, really, feel free to tell me!

Five remained in silence, staring at Klaus with an unnerving amount of attention. He was expecting an answer, even if Klaus had been the last one to ask a question, and by his posture, he wasn’t backing down.

This scene was familiar. It pulled memories from almost two decades ago to the forefront of Klaus’ mind - memories of a time when it was already hard to keep his head above water despite the presence of all of his siblings nearby helping subdue the terror creeping up on him whenever the shadows around loomed closer. It was a time when the knowledge that their father’s harsh training and lack of affections already painted a tragic picture in front of their eyes. Nonetheless, they had been naive enough to think it couldn’t get worse - but worse it would become until what was left of their unity crumbled down catalyzed by the disappearance of one of their own and the death of another.

It was weird to think about back then. Those were memories Klaus shoved to the back of his mind, unwilling to revisit on most days. The past half-month wasn’t most days, however, and now, looking at Five smugly stare at him despite his disheveled appearance, Klaus was enveloped by nostalgia.

Five had been an annoying little shit back then, and it was strangely relieving to see that, despite 17 years having passed, some things remained the same. Or maybe 45 years was more fitting to say, which, in consideration, made that fact even more sturdy.

Good ol’ Five, he supposed. They didn’t use to get along much - not like Five did with Vanya and Ben or how Klaus did with Diego and Ben, which, in retrospect, made him realize Ben’s physical presence would’ve been great to soothe the gremlin, damn - but Klaus could say he had missed Five and his bitching.

It was still fucking annoying to have that overconfident look directed at your, though.

“I have nothing to declare but my genius,” Klaus said before grimacing. “Damn, that doesn’t sound nearly as cool aloud.”

Five’s frown was utterly unimpressed. “Really?”

“Yeah. Pity. I blame Ben for corrupting my brain with terrible quotes.”

Ben snorted. “No way. You’re the one with atrocious creativity skills, not me.”

“What?! That’s so not true! You’re gonna leave me traumatized here, Benny!”

“No regrets.”

There was a shadow of amusement on Five’s face. “Ben is absolutely right.”

“You didn’t even hear what he said!”

“I don’t have to hear to know he’s right in whatever assessment of you he made.” Five shrugged, and Ben gave him a smile that radiated warmth. Klaus was reminded once again of the hope in his eyes when Diego and Vanya acknowledged him, so unusual and timid but daring to shine through once more.

The wonders that came from his siblings believing Klaus’ mentions of Ben weren’t make-believe after all. Klaus wondered if it’d have made any difference if he had persisted in convincing them Ben’s ghost was present instead of letting them take his words as another of one of the many lies he weaved around himself to keep up a face. They had almost believed in him at first, but then Klaus screwed up by putting words in Ben’s mouth. The shitfest afterward had been memorable, so persistence might not have ever fixed anything anyway.

Ben resigned himself to it quickly enough back then, but Klaus could never unsee the gloom that took over his eyes some days.

A burning crawled up Klaus’ throat. He clenched his hands, willing something to happen, but there was no crescendo of warmth or a glow to indicate a surge up of his power. How the fuck did he activate it the last few times?

“Ugh, you two put together is a nightmare,” Klaus said, pressing the heel of his hands on his eyes. What was left of his eyeliner had already been smudged beyond what could pass as smoky, so he didn’t mourn his make-up when his hands came out with black. “What about you then, old man? Don’t think you can escape from answering too.”

All traces of a smile slipped away from Five’s face. “Your words didn’t amount to an actual answer anywhere but inside your own head.”

“Shhh, of course they did. Don’t be a spoilsport.”

“That’s ludicrous.”

“Just answer the damn question.”

“Yeah? Well, I’m the real genius here, so I’d say I have even less to declare.” And then he rose both his eyebrows as if daring Klaus to object his answer.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Ugh. I guess I should’ve seen that coming.”

“You should. That was a laughable distraction, at best.”

“Says the one who used the exact same excuse.”

“That was a means to show you the ridiculousness of your argument.” Five rolled his eyes when Klaus grumbled about unfairness. “So?”

“So what?”

“So, are you actually going to work your mouth to form a decent answer or not?”

It should’ve been easy to brush that off - that was routine for Klaus for the past decade and some whenever someone poked at things marked with a big NO inside his mental shelves. It had always come from the hollow worry or curiosity of almost-strangers, even when it came from the odd one with whom Klaus stuck with for a bit longer. Throughout all of that time, Dave had been the only one different, but then again, his siblings were trying nowadays, weren’t they? Diego’s and Vanya’s words and Ben’s insistence rushed to the forefront of his mind at the reminder.

And well, fuck him, but Five, his grumpy older-younger brother, had that same soft worry reflected in the lines of his face like Diego and Vanya had earlier, like Ben had had for years. Five, who was used to time-traveling and death, and who might figure out the whole story without Klaus having to relieve it all again as long as he was given the right dots to connect.

Klaus was back on that tightrope, and the wind was blowing hard. Something deep inside him trembled, exhausted.

This was too much.

“Why, Five.” Klaus giggled. “I didn’t know you cared! That’s so touching. I wish I had a camera to capture this moment for eternity.”

Five scoffed. All of the pent-up energy emanating from him earlier returned tenfold stronger.

“Of course. I don’t know why I even asked,” he spat, and Klaus resisted the urge to flinch. “If you’re only going to derail the subject, then I have other matters to...” Five trailed off, his attention locked in Klaus’ arm, eyes flickering between the bandages surrounding his forearm and his umbrella tattoo.

Five froze all of a sudden, gaze becoming distant, and there was an acute itch on the back of Klaus’ mind, distressing. In a blink, Five sucked in a breath and curled around the book again, his hand running a marathon over the pages. Klaus could see the ink from the pen crowding over the printed letters, an agglomeration of weird symbols and numbers.

“Five?”

Five shushed him.

“But Five-”

“Stop talking.”

“Jesus, can’t _you_ stop for a minute and talk to me? You’ve got time to work on whatever that is,” Klaus insisted.

“Klaus,” Five snapped. “This is way more important than your tiny brain could even begin to comprehend, so it’s infeasible to interrupt it as it is.” He pointed his pen in Klaus’ direction when Klaus opened his mouth, and there was no doubt that Five could use it as a weapon if he so wanted. “ _No_. I have to find the correct eigenvalue for this function, and there are too many variables for me to consider that if you don’t shut up and I lose my train of thought, I’ll rip your ear apart.”

“Oh, wow. Great.” Klaus clapped his hands once. “Nice to know my brother is such a sweet and gentle soul.”

Five closed his eyes and took a deep breath through his nose. Then he returned to writing on the book.

That was weird. The past two weeks had shown that Five wouldn’t waste an opportunity to insult his siblings when they, in his words, did imbecilic things. He’d also teleport away the moment he deemed a conversation not worth it, so why hadn’t he so far?

Ben had to be thinking something similar because he flashed a significant look at Klaus and muttered: “That’s not a good sign. He’s too immersed inside his own head.”

Well, shit. Five was spiraling again.

Not that Klaus was one too judge that. Although perhaps he was one of the few who could, considering his experience amounting to years would make his opinion less biased.

What experience did tell Klaus was that if this turned out to be anywhere near Five’s level of obsession with the Apocalypse, then he might have hopped into a painful train to downfall land, and the final stop of that line was a fuckton of trouble. All the times Klaus had found himself neck deep in that mindset, losing himself in the raw need to pursue more and more drugs no matter the cost, it had been awful afterward - and usually followed by an OD.

“Five, seriously,” Klaus said, raising his hands in a placating manner. “When was the last time you ate?” Five didn’t answer. “Hey, come on, Five! Why are you in such a hurry again? A few days ago, you said we would be safe for a few weeks at the very least while the timeline or whatever settled back from the changes we made. You can’t already have so much to calculate.”

That earned a reaction from Five.

“We should’ve been safe.” Five grimaced as if he had eaten something sour. “I might’ve... miscalculated it. I have to make sure if that’s the case or not.”

Five was more frazzled than Klaus imagined if he was admitting a mistake.

Then it dawned on Klaus, and it was like a bucket of freezing water was spilled on him. Memories crashed into him like a tidal wave, and he had to bite his lip hard to detach himself from the images of colorful masks, boiling water, and pain. “You think the Commission is coming for us again?”

Something was piercing in the way Five nimbly straightened his posture, finally relinquishing his attention from the book, and it reminded Klaus of a tiger ready to pounce on its prey. “ _What did you see at the car crash yesterday?_ ”

To say Klaus was unhappy with the change of the subject would be an understatement.

“What? Why?”

“Answer the question, Klaus.”

“I- but what does that have to do with anything?” Klaus whined. “I mean, let’s be honest, are we making it a habit to ignore me when I ask you a question or what? I think that Commission thing is serious enough to deserve an answer.”

For some reason, that only made Five’s eyes narrow. “What did you see yesterday?”

Klaus held his gaze for a few seconds, taking in Five’s tousled hair and dirty clothes, before sighing. “I saw nothing, okay? Hey, no, I’m serious! Nothing out of the ordinary, anyway.” Klaus fiddled with Dave’s dog tags, resisting the urge to hide them when Five’s eyes flickered to it. “I only noticed the car when it was already too close. The headlights were too bright so that’s pretty much all I saw.

“What about earlier?” Five insisted. “Before you got to that street. Or even back at the Academy.”

“What’s up with all those questions?” Klaus asked. “I don’t know what you’re expecting me to say. There was nothing uncommon anywhere yesterday, alright? Happy now?”

He didn’t seem happy. Five started muttering under his breath all over again, although, this time, Klaus caught snippets like “still a possibility” and “not precise.”

“Hey! I’m not lying,” Klaus said. His abdomen was beginning to ache, and he wrapped one arm around it.

“I believe you,” Five said. Klaus did a double take. “Your story isn’t the problem.” Five ran his thumb over the edge of the page of the quantum physics textbook.

“It isn’t?” Klaus asked.

“Oh,” Ben said all of a sudden. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Five, you dumbass. That’s not how you go about doing such a thing.”

Klaus blinked. “Uh, what?”

“Calculating things is probably Five’s outlet,” Ben said, leaning against the wall. “For dealing with his emotions, I mean. We all have an awful history in dealing with our feelings, and I bet all the years in the Apocalypse and then as an assassin didn’t change that aspect for Five. Since the Commission was the last threat we confronted, he might be using it as an excuse to avoid thinking about something.”

“So the Commission coming isn’t a real worry?”

“Hopefully, but I can’t affirm that yet,” Five said before Ben could continue. Five blinked before stiffening. “What did Ben - no, forget about it. It doesn’t matter, everything’s under control.”

“Oh, please! You can’t expect me to forget shit like that.” Klaus threw his hands up. “You look seconds away from collapsing, Five. If you’re a mad-scientist level of obsessed again and that’s just an outlet, it means that-” the points connected inside Klaus’ mind, “shit, something set you off?”

“No. And for the last time, I’m not obsessed!”

“Right, and I’m a saint who never did drugs in his whole life.”

Klaus expected to have a cross comment spat at him in answer, but none came his way. He watched as Five puffed up in anger, his pale face reddening before something strange crossed his face, and he deflated like a popped balloon. What, did Klaus get through to him?

Five’s frozen state lasted all about four seconds before he whirled around, textbook clutched in his hands.

“He’s going to teleport,” Ben said, sounding urgent. “Klaus, stop him.”

Goddammit.

“No, Five, wait!”

Klaus stumbled to his feet, his hands feeling warm, and he hissed as a sharp pain shot up from his broken foot. Hands held him when his legs faltered, and Klaus squeezed his eyes shut. “Shit.”

“Klaus, you idiot, be more-”

That wasn’t Five’s voice beside Klaus.

Klaus’ eyes snapped open, meeting Ben’s gaze. There was an absolute wonderment glowing in every line of Ben’s face as they both stared at where his hand was closed around Klaus’ arm. Klaus felt giddy.

“Ben,” Five breathed.

Klaus sucked in a breath, and Ben’s head shot up.

“Five,” Ben said, sounding choked up. His hold on Klaus’ arm tightened, and it was a bit too close to his injury to be comfortable, but that couldn’t matter less at the moment because holy fuck, Five was seeing Ben.

Ben was tangible and visible, and one of their siblings was there, seeing him.

Those were words Klaus never would have thought could ever become real.

Five and Ben gawked at each other. Five opened and closed his mouth twice, and in any other situation, Klaus would burst out laughing because a speechless Five was a sight to behold. This wasn’t any just any situation, however, so Klaus held still, not daring to even blink as a storm brew inside his chest and warmth lingered in his palms.

It happened in a split-second.

Ben’s fingers swiftly reached toward Five’s face, and Five jerked back, his back hitting the door with a slam. His eyes were fixated in Ben’s hand now half a meter away from him with a feverish intensity, looking like a tight coil about to bounce away, and he held the book against his chest like it was a treasure to protect.

Silence encompassed them.

Then Five’s gaze lost its glaze, and his expression crumbled. It was almost painful to watch him struggle and fail to rebuild an impassive facade. “Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to- I...”

“It’s okay,” Ben said softly. His hand hesitated in the air for a second longer before retreating to his side. He helped Klaus sit back down on the bed, his eyes never leaving Five. “I’m the one who should apologize. I know you’re not fond of physical touch, so I shouldn’t have pushed.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault. It’s just-” Five made a frustrated noise on the back of his throat. His grip on the book tightened, his knuckles turning white, and he remained plastered against the door. “I shouldn’t- I _don’t_ mind. I was just caught by surprise.”

That was a first. For some reason, this seemed like a private moment that Klaus shouldn’t have witnessed. It resonated somewhere deep inside Klaus’ chest, and he cleared his throat, trying to ignore it.

“I thought Diego told everyone about Benny here being glued to my side like a plague,” Klaus said, forcing a grin. Klaus nudged Ben’s side, garnering a small smile, but Five’s expression remained agitated.

“I don’t remember hearing about it,” Five said.

Whether that meant Diego hadn’t told everyone about it or Five hadn’t been around or paying attention, it was uncertain. He and Ben exchanged a glance, and maybe they were too apparent because Five mumbled something that didn’t sound very nice under his breath.

“Uh, well, he is!” Klaus continued, making jazz hands for effect. “And it seems my powers are acting up, so hey, maybe now you can all be pestered by our dear dead brother here while I have some peace.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “You love me.”

“I’ll love you more when you’re mother-henning someone else.”

“I don’t mother-hen you.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Shut up. I don’t.”

“No need to get your feathers ruffled, dear.”

“Well, if someone didn’t cause trouble every five seconds and managed to rise my non-existent blood pressure, maybe I wouldn’t.”

“Wow, who’s the drama queen now?”

“Still you.”

There was something familiar in the slither of fragile emotion behind Five’s eyes as he looked between them.

“You’re really here, Ben.” Five seemed to be drinking in Ben’s appearance. He repeated his own words once again, mostly to himself. Ben confirmed it in a soft voice, and then it was like watching the strings holding a puppet being cut all at once. Five closed his eyes, and his shoulders trembled as he took a deep breath, mismatched against the twitching of his fingers against the cover of the book, almost as if his body couldn’t decide whether breaking down in pieces was acceptable now or if it should keep its pretense of a sturdy fortress.

Christ, Five looked so tired.

Klaus didn’t expect to see the timid determination in Five’s eyes when he looked at them again. It was a 180° change, but the cracks in his stance were still visible as he strode forward and grabbed Ben’s hand, interlacing their fingers.

Ben startled like a deer caught in headlights. He stared at their hands as if he couldn’t make sense of them, but then his eyes were filled with delight, and Five himself seemed as bewildered despite the tenseness cloaking him. Five breathed out slowly, the sound so relieved that Klaus thought Five might have to lean against the wall to hold himself upright.

No such thing happened. Instead, Five adjusted his hold on the book and on the pen, and opened his other arm in an invitation.

Ben’s arms surrounded Five’s small form with delicacy as if he’d break something fragile otherwise, but then whatever version of ghost jitters he had abandoned him as Five burrowed his face against his chest, and he melted into the hug.

Klaus grinned as his brothers clutched at each other. If he looked closer, after his power flared up somehow, a thread of energy in his arms became noticeable. He could feel himself feeding the stream, unsteady but constant for now. He threw any thoughts about the consequences that could have on the ghosts in the surrounding area to the back of his head and focused on keeping his power going for once. It there was a time for them to acquiesce to Klaus’ will, he hoped it was now.

“Awn, look at you two cuties bonding,” Klaus cooed.

“Shut up,” Five said, voice muffled, and Ben chuckled.

It was bittersweet, in the best sense of the word, to see them both so relaxed. This might have been the first time Klaus saw Five this way ever since the day after the Apocalypse-Day, and then it had been more of a first-breath-of-fresh-air-in-years type of euphoria.

After their hug broke, Five looked back down at the quantum physics book, thoughtful.

Ben frowned, and the too familiar glint of worry and disapproval in his eyes was directed toward Five for a change.

“Five,” Ben began. “You’re not alone anymore. We’re here.”

Five sighed, and he looked every bit as old as his supposed age. “I know.”

“Then what’s going on? You’ve been paranoid ever since the Apocalypse didn’t happen, but this is a whole other level.” Ben gestured at Five. “It’s not doing you any good.”

“I’m used to it,” Five rebuked. Ben sent him a glance - the powerful one that drove a knife into Klaus’ gut, speaking of miles-long patience and understanding but also of intolerance for bullshit - and Five grimaced. “Listen. It’s alright. I need to finish these equations and make sure of some aspects, but you don’t have to worry about anything.”

“I don’t get that,” Klaus said. “If there’s a possibility of a threat coming, shouldn’t we warn the others? I mean, our surprise factor against the Commission’s surprise factor was a key point in the Apocalypse night.” The tension from that night was fresh inside his mind. He doubted he would ever forget the feeling of suddenly seeing himself back in Vietnam only to come back to a dozen people dressed in black shooting their living room down and Allison wildly gesturing at him to find cover. Vanya, sweet and scared Vanya, who chose to skip her concert and heed them after Five gave them an overview of what was coming, had to pull him before Klaus remembered where he was and what was their plan. “The Academy would have way more bullet holes all around otherwise.”

Ben nodded at him. “It would, but that’s not the problem. The Commission isn’t coming anytime soon, is it, Five?”

...What?

Klaus looked in bewilderment as Five hesitated.

“And if it had been them who almost ran-over Klaus,” Ben continued. “It wouldn’t have stopped at an ‘almost.’ It’d be too sloppy for their usual kind of work.”

Klaus gave a nervous giggle at that.

“I don’t know, alright?” Five ran a hand down his face. “It doesn’t fit their work protocols, but-”

Ben sent Klaus a meaningful look whose meaning was lost on him. If Ben had figured this puzzle out, why not say it outright? Geez.

“So you should know there’s no actual hurry,” Ben said. “Overworking yourself until you collapse isn’t the way to go about this. You were there when the others talked about it. Everyone’s willing to try to be there for each other and to fix their broken relationships.”

“Ben’s right, you know,” Klaus piped in, despite not quite knowing what he was talking about. Was it his impression or was the room becoming unfocused? “If you just told us what’s going on, we could help. That thought ever crossed your mind?”

That had the opposite effect of what Klaus wanted. Instead of mellow, Five rounded on him with a poisonous glare. “Pot,” he hissed, “kettle. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you’ve been trying to divert the subject to me since the beginning.”

“You’re doing the same thing!”

“To be fair,” Ben said, sighing. “You’re both being obtuse about it.”

Klaus groaned.

A ghost poked his head through the wall, startling Klaus. There was brain matter escaping from his cracked skull, and the organs that should be inside his belly hanged on his hands and drenched him in goop and blood. He screeched, and Klaus couldn’t help but jolt. He should’ve figured the peace and silence inside Vanya’s room wouldn’t last long.

The ghost seemed intangible, but would it become solid and visible like Ben was if it approached? Fuck, was there a reach limit for this thing? There weren’t many places to hide or escape from in Vanya’s tiny room.

Klaus tried to swallow around the lump inside his throat.

Five closed the textbook with a snap, leaving the pen to mark the page. He looked in suspicion in the direction of the ghost but thankfully didn’t seem to react to its presence. “Hold still,” Five said all of a sudden, and then he was grabbing Klaus’ arm at the same time Ben touched his shoulder and the room warped away.

Klaus collapsed sideways when he collided with a soft surface. A swirl of vertigo took hold of him.

“What the hell, Five?” Klaus whined. He could just about recognize the fancy pattern of the couch in the living room, and his mind jumped to the last time he had been here. It was much quieter here despite the three strangled women mumbling in a circle by the bookshelves and the little boy with a head gunshot wound humming by the fireplace. The bottle of whiskey was nowhere in sight, but what did he know when the room wouldn’t stay still for a second?

“I told you to hold still. It’s not my fault you didn’t listen,” Five said. He leaned against the arm of the couch, giving Klaus a judging doubled-up look from above. The quantum physics textbook was held under his armpit.

“I forgot how handy your power was for making quick escapades,” Ben commented, looking around.

Five gave him a small smile, and Klaus remembered all of a sudden how Five and Ben used to spend hours upon hours talking about the intricacies of all of their powers when they were kids. That had been before their father’s training upped a level, the final preps before the Umbrella Academy debuted. Afterward, when Ben’s soft complaints and uneasy murmurs about his power became frequent, and his tummy aches haunted him more than usual, Klaus started seeing Five trying to use logic and analysis to get Ben to fear his powers less. Klaus had an inkling it didn’t work as intended, but it had seemed to comfort Ben anyway.

Ben gave Five a fond look back.

Klaus squeezed his eyes shut, groaning. His insides were rebelling, and Klaus wished he hadn’t eaten that sandwich earlier. “You know, Five, a little more warning would have been wonderful. Holding still is only valid if you know your axis is about to be turned upside down.”

“Oh please, no such thing happened. Your atoms-”

“My atoms aren’t interested in your scientific mumbo jumbo,” Klaus interrupted. “They’d prefer to be left intact. Thanks a bunch, Five-o.”

“Right.” Five scoffed. “I’ll make sure to leave you to your ghost pals next time then.”

Klaus’ eyes snapped open. “What?”

“Yes. Have fun sneaking away from them with that foot. I’ll be laughing at the bottom of the stairs when you trip.”

Klaus pushed himself up, ignoring how the room was still spinning. “Wait, rewind. You mean to say that this little trip downstairs was because of me?”

Five looked at him as if he was dumb, and well, Klaus took offense to that. He thought his question couldn’t be more reasonable given the situation because his brain was still scrambled and his stomach wanted to be on the outside, but he was sure he hadn’t said anything to warrant a travel downstairs.

“Anyone with eyes can see you’re still afraid of ghosts,” Five said. “So I brought us somewhere else before you could climb out the window or something equally stupid that your brain could come up with.

“Ah.”

Klaus found himself under the harsh look of his brother, but he had no idea what Five expected him to say. Klaus’ mind had screeched to a halt. He went over the past few minutes in search for an anomaly or anything, really, that could explain Five. That’d have been a feat by itself, so there was no way something gigantic happened without Klaus taking notice of it. Five, his stubborn and impatient gremlin of a brother, had teleported somewhere else on the house with Klaus - and Ben - for no apparent reason other than because he saw Klaus was bothered by a ghost.

What was up with this day? Maybe Klaus hit his head harder than he thought and he forgot his trip down to Wonderland. This was lacking too many fluffy bunnies and floating wide smiles, though, and it had way too many puzzling siblings to be worthy of the title of the Land of the Crazy. For Klaus’ own kind of Wonderland, at least.

“‘Ah,’ that’s all you have to say?” Five asked. He glanced to the side with a disbelieving smile, making a sharp gesture with his hand. “You run from the Academy in the middle of a freaking storm because you couldn’t stand the ghosts around you, and that’s all you can come up with? Maybe I should be happy that I didn’t have to endure another ridiculous excuse.”

Wait, what?

“Hey, that’s not true!”

“Oh, it isn’t?”

Klaus laughed dryly. “Yeah, actually. For once, I wasn’t running away from ghosts. Surprise, surprise!”

“Then what were you trying to escape from, huh? Because if that wasn’t an impulsive flight reaction, then you single-mindedly ignored all about the danger I’ve been talking abo-”

“I was running from my head, alright?! It was too loud in it!”

Five’s expression didn’t even twitch in surprise, and Klaus had an impression he knew from the beginning that ghosts weren’t behind Klaus’ actions. How charming. Klaus wondered, a little hysterically, if Five had also missed the family reunion in which his siblings decided to talk about Klaus’ whatchamacallit problems behind his back but not push him into divulging them. Maybe they had decided that slowly pushing Klaus into confiding in one of them was the way to go, instead, and well, didn’t he fall right into it? Pity that Five’s push was more of a shove.

Klaus liked to watch the circus burn, but it wasn’t quite as joyful when he was the one inside it.

“So going out in a storm to get drunk was your brilliant solution?” Five snorted.

Klaus groaned. He could feel Ben’s keen attention on him, but despite Klaus waving a figurative white flag in a plea for help, Ben didn’t come in his rescue. He gestured at Five with his head, raising his eyebrows.

“Even I’m not that stupid, okay? I was already on my merry way to oblivion land when I left.”

Five eyed him. “Drugs?”

“No! I’m clean, for fuck’s sake! I meant I was already drunk when I left. I just- I had to get out for a while.”

“And it didn’t cross your mind it’d be a good idea to, I don’t know, maybe _let one of us know_?”

“By ‘one of us,’ I take it you mean ‘you.’”

“This is serious, Klaus! There was no guarantee we were out of danger, and there still isn’t. I can’t help you all if you don’t say what’s the problem!”

“Oh, and you would, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes! But I can’t do that if you’re dead!”

The words left a ringing in Klaus’ ears.

Five’s face was contorted in anger, but the deep lines of grief in his expression were easy to recognize if you looked for them. Klaus had seen it reflected in the mirror way too much for the past few days, so the sight was seared deep inside him, too familiar not to notice even when it came from another face. Hindsight was a bitch, wasn’t it?

That’s what Ben had meant as an outlet. Whereas Klaus’ escape was drugs, Five’s might be calculating things, and where Klaus had ODs up his sleep to spare, Five spiraled into a damaging obsession. Klaus stood by the idea that something set Five off, and, well, for a supposed softie with a cracked shell, there hadn’t been many things that happened recently that could’ve slipped through his defenses.

A pressure built up in Klaus’ chest, catching his breath when he inhaled. So, Klaus’ almost-death rattled Five in an unexpected, deep level, enough to make him raise his hackles and stumble through this single-minded, angry tirade.

Klaus thought of mines exploding and taking comrades along with them, and of an array of bullets raining down on them in a bad ambush. He thought of Dave's warm presence beside him through most of it, and he thought of a thirteen-years-old Five trying to survive the Apocalypse with the bare minimum resources and not enough experience to guide him. Klaus thought of little Five finding most of his siblings dead in the middle of debris from a destroyed Academy. He tried imagining how it’d feel, but he couldn’t. It must have been terrifying to go through that - years later, and Five’s shields were still high up, and that told quite the story. Klaus deeply knew that.

It was a bit hard to wrap his head around all of this - fuck, okay, it was really hard. Too hard, and it was getting tiring to realize how impossible it seemed over and over again. Fuck Reginald, and fuck life, and fuck that grumpy little girl and her monochromatic world that didn’t want Klaus.

Klaus wanted to laugh until his belly hurt and to tear his hair out in equal parts. He also wanted to hug Five tightly, but his limbs wouldn’t move.

The sound of running footsteps approaching resounded in the quiet that had fallen over them. Even Ben seemed unsure of what to say aside from a whispered swear word, and so they stared dumbfounded at Diego and Vanya as they skidded to a stop at the entrance to the living room in panicked urgency.

“What’s going on?” Diego asked. He glanced between Five and Klaus with concern, and Klaus absent-mindedly realized his hands weren’t warm anymore.

“We heard shouting,” Vanya added, breathless.

Five ran a hand through his hair. It trembled as he closed it in a fist by his side.

Klaus’ resolve crumbled into dust.

 

* * *

 

Klaus closed the door to the roof and leaned against it heavily. He took a moment to catch his breath and wait until his foot stopped aching like a bitch.

A multitude of puddles left over from the rain was spread around like a crude labyrinth, and after some searching, Klaus managed to find a dry enough spot to settle down with Ben. It wasn’t silent up here. The mumbles and moans of the ghosts made for a disturbing background noise coupled with the city sounds, but they seemed lost in their own little worlds for the moment, so it was possible to overlook their presence.

Klaus looked up at the stars as Ben began a tale of how some of the constellations came to be. Klaus had heard it from him years ago, but whether that had been before Ben died or after, in one of the few nights Klaus wasn’t too far up in the clouds to pay attention, he wasn’t sure - Klaus’ memory showed itself faulty when he tried to recall that time. He hadn’t been entirely sober then anyway.

Either way, it was a familiar story, and it loosened something in Klaus’ chest. Klaus pitched in here and there, but otherwise, he let Ben’s soft voice conduct the building of his tale. They both observed the now clear sky, and Klaus continued taking deep breaths.

Ben had turned invisible and intangible sometime during Five’s confrontation, but Klaus wasn’t sure when exactly. Five had been a bit thrown when he noticed, and Diego and Vanya seemed a bit crestfallen, but Ben murmured understanding words for Klaus. He had seemed content with what little time he had with Five, and Klaus felt like a deplorable brother for the wave of relief that hit him at his powers deactivating before any ghost tried clawing his eyes out.

Klaus ran a hand through his hair.

“Why are you making an impression of a fish out of water?” Ben asked, breaking from his story.

“I’m more of a goat chewing food than a fish right now.”

“Why a goat?”

“Goats are nice.”

Ben chuckled lightly, and Klaus found himself smiling back.

He went up to the roof to clear his mind and gather the courage to transform the memories eating away at him into words. Or maybe it had been because Five teleported away the second their siblings pressed them to know what had happened, and that along with Diego’s and Vanya’s blatant worry as they turned their questions on Klaus and memories sitting on the corner of his mind, ready to leap at him, running away was all Klaus could do.

He was a bit too good at doing that, he supposed.

The roof door opened with a loud creaking. Klaus sighed when he saw Diego walk outside, glancing from side to side before settling on Klaus. That was about what he expected would happen.

“I wanna hear the end of the story,” Klaus said to Ben.

Ben smiled. “I can continue later.”

Klaus pouted. He flopped on the ground, getting comfortable despite the feeling of water seeping through the fiber of his shirt and coat, and he watched from the corner of his eyes as Diego sat beside him. Ben remained on Klaus’ other side, and it was a bit lackluster to have Diego there and not see any sign of recognition on his face like there had been on Five’s.

“Heya, bro,” Klaus said with exaggerated glee. “What brings you here in this fine night?”

“You know why I’m here,” Diego said. He looked down at Klaus before glancing away at the nearby buildings. “Fancy talking about what was that just now?”

“It was just a normal brotherly quarrel. Nothing much.” As normal as it was for the Hargreeves, at least. Fights and discussions could become quite a dangerous matter in their family - Luther and Diego being the prime examples of that. Considering Klaus’ physical and mental state at the moment, which all his siblings seemed a bit more privy of than they should, and Five’s distinct spiral, ‘nothing much’ might not have been the best way to describe it in the end.

Diego snorted, probably thinking something similar.

“Then why are you on the roof with that long face?”

Klaus shrugged.

He knew why he chose the roof, however. With the city noises unfiltered by thick walls surrounding him, this was as familiar to Klaus as possible. The wind blew without restriction, cold and soothing against Klaus’ skin, and lying on the hard ground was natural, comfortable. Compared to the turmoil that had been the past days, this was like an oasis in the middle of a desert, albeit a bittersweet one, and this time not in a positive way. It was easier to think up here, nonetheless.

“How’s Five?” Klaus asked instead.

“I don’t know,” Diego admitted. “Vanya went after him.”

“And you came looking for me.”

“Yeah.”

Klaus sighed. “Well, that was a gigantic mess.”

Ben rolled his eyes, and Klaus made a face at him.

“You telling me?” Diego asked, shaking his head. “I guess it’s still too early to expect the bunch of stubborn asses in this family to figure out how to talk like normal people.”

“I hope you recognize you’re on the top of that list,” Klaus said cheekily. He grinned when Diego threatened to throw a knife at him, raising his hands in surrender.

Diego was right, though. It was too soon to expect a marvelous turnaround in their dynamics, and everyone’s nerves were still on edge. Diego and Luther had exploded at each other a few times, and Five had lost his patience with every one of them, except for Vanya, at least once. Despite knowing that - or maybe precisely because of it - the whole debacle with Five still had sucked. He hadn’t meant to push Five’s buttons like that - well, perhaps a little bit, but not so much that he dug up bad memories.

And that was the thing. They all had their inner demons to deal with, didn’t they? That much Klaus could see clear as water in all of his siblings’ eyes - the way they became lost in thought and evasive when certain subjects were brought up.

Diego’s eyes were distant as he looked at the city lights. All of a sudden, Klaus was reminded of his lady cop friend who had died saving Klaus.

Quite possibly, that was what loosened the words on the tip of his tongue. Maybe he just needed to take this first step.

“You remember,” Klaus began, sitting up. He licked his lips. “You remember that time you took me to that vet bar, right?”

Diego murmured a confirmation, and Ben nodded. Ben had been at the Academy when Klaus returned from Vietnam, and he had followed Klaus and Diego from a bit afar, trying to give Klaus some space despite the questions swimming in his eyes.

“Well, I didn't go there for shits and giggles. I am actually a vet. I went to war for a while. And I-” Klaus took a deep breath. “I lost someone during it.”

Ben’s hand hovered over his, soothing. The back of Klaus’ eyes was burning.

“H-how is that possible?” Diego asked. “I mean, you started carrying those dog tags in the middle of the Apocalypse week. It's just...”

Klaus gave a rueful laugh. “Impossible? No, it isn't when time-travel is involved. Those bastards that were after Five kidnapped me the night the Academy was first shot up. They carried a weird suitcase, and when I escaped from them, I took it with me. A light came out of that thing when I opened it, and the next thing I knew, I was in 1968 in the middle of the Vietnam war.”

Ben swore softly.

“W-w-what?!” Diego’s eyes widened. “F-for how long?”

“Ten months. I met Dave there.” Klaus sucked in a breath. “And Dave was the most wonderful, beautiful, and strongest person I have ever met.”

Despite the heaviness in his heart, the rest of the words spilled with ease from Klaus’ mouth under the stars and his brothers’ comforting gaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? ;)


End file.
